My problem is : I'm in love with my best friend who is obviously straight. I believe the only way I can move on is if I can find someone who will be able to fall in love with me as well. My straight forward question is how ? Yes, I could go online and start on a dating site but that involves paying constantly with a credit card I don't even own. And frankly, I'm about to start university and paying for an online dating account isn't something I should be saving my money for. I have thought of meeting someone at a gay bar that I shall so happen to be living down the street from once I get to University but again meeting someone at a bar ... that's not exactly a great place to meet someone. I just don't know where else to go really without telling everyone about my secret because I'm not fully ready to come all the way out yet. However, I am ready to find someone to fall in love with.
i'll give you the list that everyone is probably going to give you: 1. lbgt community center and find out if there are events there that you can mingle and network. 2. pflag groups 3. gay groups on campus 4. gay bar/clubs but most will suggest not looking for quality there. 5. gay friendly places (art galleries, restaurants, bookstores, coffeee shops in gay areas...lurk around there and cruise). 6. reputable online dating sites (paid). try the free ones if you want 7. through friends..if someone knows you're gay maybe they can hook you up 8. gay volunteer projects: find something you may want to volutneer for and go for it . 9. gay labeled groups: look online for things like gay sports, gay food tasting groups, gay meeting groups, gay joggers/hikers in your local area now here's the situation. when you are not out, its hard to meet other gays because you have no clue who is or who isn't gay. howwever, when you are not out you are also probably not comfortable with masses of people knowing your secret so many of the options listed above may not work for you. what i have found is that if yoiu are going to stay in teh closet, you really have to "grow a pair" in order to flirt with people that could be straight. also, this is reallly a futile exercise because most of the times they are straight and you end up crushing all over again like you are now. basicallly you have to go gay somewhat in order to meet someone. yes, you can possibly meet another girl like yourself by chance but the odds of the planet aligning for that are rare but it does happen, but you spend a of of wasted energy trying to find the closeted gay in teh haystack.
Personally, I've never needed a dating site. I just talk to people and offer myself, in general, as a nurturing and understanding sort of person. I listen to what they have to say, and I have a hell of a lot to say in return being something of a chatterer. If you just take a personal interest in other people and what's in their hearts, you can't stay OUT of a relationship. And you can meet people at all kinds of venues. Try running with your local jogging club, or see if your neighborhood has a structured community association. Doing volunteer work or getting involved in charities is a great way to find people. But I've never actually gotten into a relationship by looking for sex. That's really the trick to getting into a serious relationship. If you're looking for a serious relationship, you are talking about integrating your entire life with someone else's, so getting a start with someone on that level is accordingly involved. Overall, just live an active, structured life. Make yourself feel utilized. In the meantime, rub your heart against those of others, and mean it. Look into their souls, and share your soul with them. Even if it doesn't get you into a romance, you'll find a lot of warmth.
If you're heading off to university, your whole world is going to open up. You'll be meeting people who are a lot more like you than ever before - in terms of your intellect, interests, abilities, and possibly your orientation. Go to LGBT club events on campus. You'll meet new people who you're very likely to click with. But don't show up looking like someone who has had his heart broken. Nobody wants to hang out with that person! As Christiaan was suggesting - make yourself vulnerable and open to make meaningful friendships. The best relationships grow out of good friendships. (in my opinion) So make it a point to make new friends!
And what if there aren't no clubs like this on campus ? I mean I've been to college in that same area and never have I heard of such a club existing there : \
How big is the town you are going to be in? Look into whether there are local LGBT youth groups, regardless of whether they are affiliated with the school. Most youth groups of that kind accept up to age 25 or so. And maybe you should go to a different school. Whatever you do, just try to make some gay friends first, and one of them might turn out to be something more.
You might have to look for one. But even if there isn't, you're going to have the opportunity to get to know people who are much more like you than when you were in highschool. You were with the people in highschool presumably just because you all lived in the same area. But in university you'll be meeting people who share your interest in a particular field, who are interested in being better educated, who are more mature (simply by nature of the fact that they're older), etc. So whether or not there's an LGBT student group, I think there are opportunities for you to develop some good new friendships. At 41, my best friends are the people I met in business school. I have nothing to do with the people I went to highschool with.
