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Work Situation

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Pilgrim is hot, Feb 22, 2012.

  1. Pilgrim is hot

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    Hi Everyone,

    Finally managed to get some time to actually post on here and was wondering if anyone had any helpful thoughts on my work problem below.

    Now to start I am pretty close with the people I work with, we all get on really well and we talk about all kinds of personal topics with people. Now over the last 2-3 months I have noticed that they have brought up with little jokey comments like "oh it doesn't matter if you were gay" which I have not really heard them talk about before. (don't know if me standing up for LGBT issues discussed also raises suspicion.) now I can't stand lying so I just try to dismiss the question and change the subject but it always seems to get back to the same topic. Over the recent days/weeks I've spent tons of time trying to sidetrack their questions and comments. The thing is I'm not sure how ready I am to talk about it (although I feel fairly confident about it, been thinking about telling a couple of friends recently) but the bigger thing I would be worried about is that they are on my facebook along with a load of my family members and I really don't want it to get out like that. I'm really not sure how to handle this situation, anyone got any ideas?
     
  2. maverick

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    Sounds like they already know to me, and are trying to give you an opening to come out to them so they don't have to ask you directly.

    So if I were you, and they were like, "It doesn't matter to me if you're gay," I'd answer, "Well that's good, 'cause I am," and be done with it.
     
  3. gleekfanatic

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    and as a side bar, you could add, but my family doesn't know yet, and I would really appreciate it if you all refrain from saying something about it on facebook, or in front of them...
     
  4. insidehappy

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    sure. here are the ideas:

    1. dont add work people to your facebook. if they ask just say u dont have it or that u dont add coworkers to it. if they get ticked off, that's their problem.
    2. if you have added them, change them to acquaintances and basically shut down all personal information they can see on your privacy settings., also remove their access to post comments or pictures on your page. you can make it so that has to be preapproved by you. people post some really stupid stuff on there that not everyone needs to see.
    3. the jokey comments indicate they think you're gay and they're baiting you to come out. personally it doens't sound very supportive to me however, im not there so i dont know how htey are saying it. sounds like pressure to me and if they were supportive they wouldnt say "if you were gay" they would just say, "i dont have a problem with gay people at all".
    4. the fact that u have to stand up for lbgct issues means u are in an envorinment where people are saying inapppriate things about the gays.
    5. i would continue to ignore and dismiss until i felt ready to come out and i would shut down their access to my facebook or unfriend them
     
  5. Pilgrim is hot

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    Yeah thats an option but requires a sh*t load of trust on my account and scares the cr*p out of me :confused:

    1. Yeah prob shouldn't add co-workers but the thing is many of them have helped me out when I have really needed it before, they do go out there way for me when needed

    2. Need to have a look into the facebook settings, I don't use it tons so need to check that out

    3. It's odd sometimes it's like there joking then it feels like there being really sincere but I find it really hard to judge people anyway :icon_sad:

    4. Yeah it has been a bit irritating but it's more ignorance then hate, like when I told them to stop using "fag-hag" it's more like they don't understand what there saying, I guess it's just hit them as I used to not pick them up about it before

    5. That is an option, not sure if it's the option I should take :icon_sad:
     
  6. insidehappy

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    ****
    facebook is cool but just going forward tell people as a general rule you dont add coworkers to it, but here's my phone number and email and if you want to hang out, im totally game. facebook is really used to be nosey. let's face it. you see these peopel everyday right, if you want to hang out with them or they want to hang out with you, can you just plan that at work or call or text the person. so what really is facebook doign to make you better friends? NOTHING. what is does allow you to do is snoop on people, check out their pictures, see who is on their friendslist and if those people are gay, make inferences about their political viewpoint, drinking habits, sexuality and the like. are these topics that need to be fodder for the employee watercooler? NO. only have really close people to you on facebook, for everyone else give them your number and email and if they really want to be your friend they will hang out with you. let say for instance you are out getting drunk and someoen posts a picture of you drunk at a party. lets then say someone from work saw the picture and passed it around. lets also say that maybe you seemed out of it at work the day aftter you partied. lets say people start gossiping at work about something you posted on facebook or somethign that was posted about you on facebook. do you see now how you are inviting people into your presonal world that could negatively affect your work world? you can have friends of coruse but they do not need to be all up in your business. there's a difference between coworkers and friends. coworkers can be your friends but just because they are coworkers doesnt mean they are your friends.

    as far as coming out, you can do this if you want to. its your choice but you dont owe them that. if you feel comfy, then go for it. if you dont, then dont. if whatever you feel like. dont stress over it.

    yes, in the meantime check the settings and lock out the people that coudl start some crap on your page.
     
    #6 insidehappy, Feb 22, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2012