So yeah, I'm transgendered, and ever since I came out over a year ago, I have totally butched it up the way I have longed to my entire life. I purged my wardrobe of feminine clothing, stopped wearing makeup, etc... But after wearing some makeup and doing my nails for a wedding last weekend (during which I grudgingly "femmed up" in order to avoid drama - basically I wore makeup and wore a plaid shirt with glitter threading and ruffles instead of the regular "you nabbed this from your father's closet didn't you?" kind), I'm feeling a little conflicted. I'm still wearing nail polish and - on a whim - I've kept wearing the smoky eye makeup that I wore to the wedding to work along with my regular guy clothes. All day on Tuesday people were talking about how awesome it looked, even juxtaposed against a ball cap, a boy's haircut, and male clothing. But I don't know how I really feel about it. When I look at myself in the mirror, I do like the effect of it, but it doesn't really make me feel like an androgyne...it makes me feel like a guy in makeup. Flattering makeup. Which I KNOW is no big deal, of course guys can wear makeup, but...is this okay? Am I going to give people the idea that I am "backsliding"? There are so many stereotypical guy things that I like, but there are a few "girly" things that I miss from when I was closeted. Nail polish and makeup being two major things. Ugh, someone please tell me I'm being dumb for even worrying about this. :icon_redf
Your not being dumb. Why should it matter what everyone else thinks? If you like it, keep doing it. If you don't want to don't. I know thats not the kind of answer you wanted, but, its true. "Normal" people will never understand what your going through. So just do what you want. Know one can tell you what to do!
You are being dumb for even worrying about this I mean on EC we are always talking about how everyone's different, people have some combination of masculine and feminine traits, we shouldn't feel that we need to conform to any ideal, ...basically just be who you are and what makes you happy (*hug*)
It is not dumb to think about stuff. You are accustomed from past experience to wearing makeup and eye-liner, so the idea is not novel or weird to you. Consider how many of those fem-emo but perfectly straight guys out there would wear make-up if they thought they could get away with it. Otherwise, you are a trans-guy, and you are happy with being a trans-guy. Have fun with it.
There are lots of guys that wear makeup and lookngood in it too, no worries be whoever you want however you want
