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Dad problems

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by theboyintheback, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. theboyintheback

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    Awhile ago I came out to both my parents as being a transguy. It was the same letter to both of them - and with both of them it was a few days till I heard anything back. My mom (surprisingly) was the first one to want to talk about it, and now after months everyting is pretty much cool with her.

    My dad on the other hand...
    He said that he wanted to get together and talk about this face to face. But we never have. Sure there have been plenty of times that we have hung out - but we've never really talked. My mom says that she talks to him about it alot, and that while it's not easy for him, that he's learning to accept it.
    I just don't know if this is a god thing or not. The men in my family don't talk abou tthings. SO is it a good sign that me and him haven't talked? Or should I try and brin gup the subject? And if so - how?
     
  2. Alex94

    Alex94 Guest

    It seems like he just needs some time, people adjust differently given a situation...when he is ready to talk about it he will....give him some time okay? Keep you head up as well....good luck.
     
  3. Marlowe

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    Sounds like what I am going through with my mom, and me being gay. She kept saying that she wanted to talk and then never asked any questions or anything. Finally I confronted her on it and she just said she needed time. She also sent me an email that was a little hurtful and I think it is true that I probably should have left it alone until she was ready to talk. On the other hand, I don't think talking is always productive. In the case of my dad we have talked and talked and talked and nothing has come of it. He still secretly thinks all I need to do is see a good shrink to figure out what my problem is with women, and this comes across in every conversation despite his attempts to pretend not.

    Finally, it is I think perfectly understandable that you want to help speed up the process of acceptance on the part of your parents, but sometimes no matter what we do, we can't help those we love adjust to the fact that we aren't what they expected. They simply need time and space, and hopefully all will pan out. I think at least we are lucky in that we have been able to maintain a semi normal relationship with our parents in the interim. I think if your dad is really trying to deal with it then think of it as, you both know it is there, you are just not ready to talk about it together.

    I hope everything works out.
     
  4. Mirko

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    Hi there! I agree with the posters above. From what you have mentioned, it sounds like that he is trying to accept, and come to terms with it all. I think him wanting to talk is a good sign. It allows you to explain things and also gives him a chance to say what is on his mind.

    Maybe try to bring it up when you have a moment with your dad alone. The question you should ask yourself first though is: are you ready to talk to your dad in person, and answer any questions that he might have?
     
  5. theboyintheback

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    i know that waiting is probably the best thing to do - i've never been a really patient person... and i want to say i'm ready, but i guess i do need to think about the fact that i might not be.... i dunno.... you all gave me a lot to think about with it though. thanks. ^^