I am a 41 year old woman and have been married to a man for 10 years. I have been a "tomboy" my entire life. I didn't date alot during highschool and college (or even after, for that matter). People have asked me throughout my life if I was gay and I always said no because I had never been attracted to another female. And it isn't like I haven't been exposed to it...many of my closest friends are lesbians. I have only ever been attracted to men, although....I wanted to wait until we were married to have sex and found out rather quickly that I was not a fan. My husband is my best friend and I was very happy with him (or so I thought) even though we weren't having sex. I never even thought about it since the first week of our marriage. It never felt like it was a big deal because we had such a great relationship in every other way. Fast forward to present day, and I surprisingly have found myself attracted to a woman at work. She is a lesbian and has been in her relationship for 16 years. I have no idea if she is attracted to me as well, but my guess is no. My husband knew something was bothering me, so I told him what I was feeling. He is being quite supportive and telling me that he wants to help me figure things out. I just don't know how to go about that since I have never felt this way before. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Hey nieca, welcome to EC; you found a great place for support. There are quite a few members who have been married and realized they are/might be gay and found help and support. That's great that your husband has been supportive and I hope that remains. The co-worker could be a good help for you if the time comes that you want to talk to her about your sexuality. I'm not sure what else to say, but maybe some of the members who have been married can give you some advice. Stick around and take care (*hug*)
Hey whilst im not in the same position as you I didnt realise I was gay till my mid 20's and before I worked it out I had never been attracted to a woman either, I know it sounds weird but I only started questioning after watching some tv programs with female couples in and thinking hmm im sure I like this more than the average straight girl. But the more I questioned it and looked into it and started to acknowledge it the more and more I noticed girls. I understand that its a very scary time for you and I think you did totally the right thing by telling your husband, and joining EC its a great place.
its good you have a supportive husband. my suggestion would be marriage counseling so you can both explore together. the woman in teh relationship is out of the picture because she is taken but you and hubbie need to explore these feelings and what this may mean to your relationship. also, maybe the sex just isnt' that great becasue you never had it before and you are not quite sure how good it can be. have u guys taken any sex therapy classes. do you know what you like in terms of your body? maybe exploration with hubbie coudl be a good thing so you can enjoy the sex more.
Hi Nieca, We are in very similar situations. I'm 47, married 25 years, 2 kids. Except I took my situation to the next level and got divorced because my husband wasn't my best friend, nor was he meeting my emotional needs and sex was pretty much non existent - I just wasn't interested anymore. The divorce occurred after I met my girlfriend (I still giggle when I think that I have a girlfriend). I struggle several times a week at my situation but consider this Chapter Three of my life and I get a lot of support from my girlfriend, other friends and my ex has been pretty good about everything lately. I think you will find a lot of support and advice here.
insidehappy...my husband and I are both in individual counseling. I felt like there are some things that I needed to work out by myself first. However, I think couples counseling is the next step because I can't "explore" what I am feeling by going on dates!
Hi nieca, I'm in a similar situation minus the marriage part. Have only had romantic crushes on males thus far, although I have found myself strangely drawn to women at times. I'm still questioning and exploring my sexuality, it's going to be really tough and I'm struggling a lot... Let's be here for each other! Keep me updated and feel free to send me a message if you need to chat.
