Labels????

good question. you can be who you are adn the labels dont have to bother you. however, other people have their own mindset and maybe the labels bother them. you can't make someone else see that (DL guy). you have to let peoople accept who they are in teh way they feeel more comfortable. focus on yourself and what is good for you.

 

I agree with you, Iamme, generally speaking the labels are something we obsess over a little too much. I'll offer, though, that the labels help us to explain, when the time is right, what we are and most definately what we are not. In just the few people I've been able to come out too, it's been helpful to sum things up with a label. At least, for me, it's helped make the journey easier.

 

Unfortunately that is a reoccurring question you will ask yourself in life for a long time. The only reason I can think of as to why we need labels in society is because they are a construct of social interaction. The second we see someone we lable them: male/female, Black/white/asain/ ect, gay/straight/bi, and this social pyrimid go's on and on. However, we use that process of labeling to identify our social interaction between one another.

For example, say you are a computer wiz, and you interact with someone labeled as a prep who probably has not even the slightest idea about computers. Lets also say you like this person, and have never talked to them. You first ask them how they are, make small talk, ect. Then as you get more into conversation you find out they like animals, now are you going to get further talking about computers, or animals? (That is using labels to your advantage)

The simple point I would like to point out by my analogy, is that labels are not necessarily a bad thing. They help us to understand one another, and it is that first impression often times that makes the greatest impact. It is when we are insecure about something that the label becomes negative.

We all possess shame and guilt, the less we talk about it the more we have, and the more we talk about it the less we have.

Consider these definitions that I go by:

Connection: It is the human experience, the reason why we are emotionally, physically, biochemical, and spiritually here.

Shame: The fear of connection. I am not _________ enough. Good enough, thin enough, smart enough, straight enough.
The difference between Shame an guilt: I am bad; I did something bad.

Now also consider this definition of love:

Love: living with courage (cour meaning heart, and age meaning living.
So by literal definition living with your heart.

Perhaps the reason you cannot find meaningful love is because you do not truly accept and love yourself. Your imperfections are gifts that make you interesting and unique, however, it is easy to confuse those with something to be shameful of.

Perhaps the question you need to be asking is a personal one. How can I love myself more?

I hope that helped a little,

 

labels are for one thing. Jeans.

 

That quote is a wonderful point.

Labels are definitely helpful in some situations, like when you want to know what kind of relationship is possible with another person. However, that being said, they may also set up too many expectations when we could just explore the other person for who they are.

Labels are also restrictive. Orientation labels are interesting to me because I notice that some tend to cling to them as if they are the end all be all of their interests, but people on both sides are a little more flexible and versatile than they realize/admit. It's basically the old "shades of grey" vs "black and white" conversation. blahhh. old news!

 

It's because it's hard to answer the question "What is your sexual orientation?" without the so called "labels"

"What is you sexual orientation?"
--> "I'm attracted to guys but sometimes women have an effect on me and in fact I've had sex with few women... Hmmm but I like guys more... I think... I'm not sure... Could you tell me?"
"I don't know I'm more confused than you are"

 

We all have hair, why do we go to such great lengths to describe people as blonde, black-haired, brown-haired or red-haired?

We all use our hands, why do we go to the trouble of labelling some people as right-handed, about 10% as left-handers, others as ambidextrous? (don't forget, there was a time when left-handed people were told it was wrong, and were forced to write with their right hand)

People are different. That's great, we're not all like ants in a colony, and we have words to describe the difference between each other based on a range of characteristics. Just like there are those who are strawberry blonde, between blonde and red hair, there are those who are bi, or pan, between straight and gay. It's useful to know of people I might like, or might want to set a friend up with, if the other person might be interested.

 

i dont think its the labels that are the problem, if its a cow you dont call it a dog now do you, you say it how it is, i happen to only be interested in men, if that makes me gay then so be it.

i think your problem are stigma's and following social norms to fit in.

and i second what every other poster has said.

 

The only reason why I don't really like labels is because it allows people to evade their sexuality. So many people think bisexuality isn't legitimate because so many homosexual people falsely use it to cling to a sense of what they think is normal. I appreciate that many people are confused and not 100% sure of which gender they want to go down on, but more often than not these people are unknowingly kidding themselves.