Hello everyone. :icon_bigg I have a little something called S.A.D. It stands for Social Anxiety Disorder. I am extremely uncomfortable in social situations. I'm talking around ANYONE besides my family, I will sweat, get shaky hands & feet, refuse to talk and completely close up. I also have an INSANE blushing problem. Around anyone, besides my family once again, I will blush non stop. If someone even says "hi" to me, I blush deeply. Boy or girl, old or toddler, I blush big time. I get so red it looks as if I just came out of gym class. It's embarrassing. Then, when I blush easily, it deepens because I'm ashamed of becoming red in the first place. I'm much more comfortable being alone or with a very, VERY close friend or family member. I cannot start conversations well, I can't focus, I completely close myself from the rest of the world. About two months ago, my school had a break for about three days. I spent that time playing Xbox downstairs with my brothers. Then, my brothers had to leave for hockey so I was home alone playing for a very long time. My mother came home and went downstairs to see me. She said, "Lucy, how can you still be playing that? I would have thought you'd be craving social interaction instead of being by yourself all break." I blushed, of course, and didn't say anything as I had no response. Truth is, I didn't need any social interaction. Being by myself makes me feel secure. That's my problem. I want to be confident, open, outgoing. But I don't know how. Do you think I should talk to my mom about counseling or therapy or SOMETHING? (Sorry, big ol' chunk of words. You're eyes gotta sting right now.</3 :tears: ) Please help, I'm stuck here. :bang:
I don't think that there any youth Toastmasters. Dale Carnegie training obviously won't help either If you don't smile, learn to. I used to be shy before I got into a sales career (before I got into computers). It's important to smile - people smile back at smiles, trust me. Talking to people, strangers individually or in groups is scary, at first. It takes practice - like anything else, once you get used to doing it, it's a cakewalk. I remember when I first learned to ride a bike, before that, I was convinced I'd use training wheels forever. I didn't even want to try to ride a bike when my older brother was coaxing me to do so. In my mind's eye, I saw a 50 year old man riding with training wheels and being ok with it. It took my brother a little while to just get me to try...and wouldn't you guess I was riding like a champ in a few hours flat. Sounds easier said than done, but the first step starts with smiling and saying hi. You will blush, but less and less each time. Finally, Silly quips and quotes help clear the air too. Things like: they say "You have a good day!" You say "You have a better one!" They say "How are you?" You say "Good! If I was any better, there'd be two of me!" People, in general, like you more than you realize - this I'm certain of.
When I worked at a summer camp our training told us about comfort zones. Imagine a circle with two circles inside of it, like a target. One inner circle, which is a persons comfort zone, a circle around that, which is just outside of the comfort zone, and another outer circle, which is well beyond the comfort zone. A person can feel fine in there comfort zone for ever. In the area just outside the comfort zone is, of course, some sense of discomfort. In the furthest area from the comfort zone the person is overwhelmed and shuts down. Growth happens in the area just outside the comfort zone. Stagnation happens in the comfort zone. Going to far does not allow growth because it is to frightening. The idea is to be able to expand your comfort zone by going outside of it just enough to grow, but not so much that you are forced to retreat back into your comfort zone. More practically speaking, try something new that is not going to cause you harm. Being shy, I would suggest increasing your interactions with others. Maybe ask someone you find interesting about themselves. Remember, change doesn't happen overnight. It's the little changes that you stick with and keep building on that lead to big changes. Socializing is a skill, it requires practice.
Yes, if you're this affected by social anxiety you should see a therapist. One of my frienfs has social phobia, if you like I can ask her how she was able to talk to one.
I thought at first that this would be about Seasonal Affective Disorder. I was going to suggest moving, since that's what I'm pretty damn close to doing. >.>
Yes - if your mom isn't aware of the way you feel about this you should tell her. Counselling would likely help - it couldn't hurt. And as other have said, it likely will take some work and some practice to get more comfortable. Take baby steps. When you're out in the grocery store, make eye contact with the cashier and say 'Hi'. That's all. Don't worry about blushing. With time, I bet that will subside - as you realize that saying 'Hi' isn't going to hurt you. Then you'd carry on and say 'Hi. How are you today?'. And so on. At 13, people don't expect you to carry on lengthy conversations with strangers. But it is good to develop these social skills and overcome the fears you might have about them.
Thanks so much guys, everyone's comments have really helped me. I'm going to have to tell my mom about it, I bet she'll have some advice too.♥ I'll try the cashier conversation, Jim1454. That sounds like a baby step I can handle.
