Firstly I'd like to apologize for any spelling and or grammar mistakes since I an typing this on my iPhone because I'm curled Ito a ball on my bed crying rather than on my laptop. That said let me get to why I'making this post which is also why I'm crying in a ball on my bed.... I like in hell, well my own personal hell anyway. I'm depressed and yes I'm on medication for it, but no I'm not suicidal or a cutter even if I do sometimes wish I could just vanish I only for awhile... Tonight has been one of those nights.., my granny is three sheets to the wind shit faced drunk on vodka and she decides to let the family dog out whole I'm bathing my 9 month old daughter. Apparently she forgot why she was standing at the door with it open and Locked our inside dog outside. I got my daughter bated in her pjs and in bed. Shortly thereafter out neighbor knocks on the door with our dog. So I texted my mom to let her know rather than just have our neighbor tell her in the morning and make things worse. *My mother gets home and starts screaming slamming cabinates and the like. Apparently I should have noticed the dog was missing... I decide I'm do e with the argument and go to bed. My drunk granny then starts a screaming match and wakes my daughter up. I can hear her say she's tired of this whole damn family and things like that. I feel like everything is always somehow my fault. If its bit try find a way to make it my fault. I have nowhere else to go and I can't take this kind if crap much longer before I snap. My granny won't even let me call the police when my ex husband who wants to kill me breaks the restraining order because what would the neighbors think? But he can sit u set te carport and get plastered nightly...* So here's my question... How am I supposed to live here so I can finish school and move the hell out without cracking? Anyone got any ideas?
I had such a horrible situation in the town that I grew up in that I left at 19. I did not look back for over three years, and even then it was only to rekindle what I felt were worthy relationships. It was very hard, and still is, but the environment I had to leave was destroying me emotionally. I am finally starting to be really happy, on my own feet, and grateful that things forced me out. It was a blessing in disguise. There are schools all over the nation. Are you heavily invested in this particular institution?
Living in San Francisco I often forget people usually need cars. Perhaps there is a way to mellow things out around you that doesn't involve moving. I do have some friends that just seem to thrive on the drama and chaos, and moving solves nothing, because they have a love/hate thing with the noise. I catch myself doing this on occasion, letting the wrong people into my life, because it is familiar to me. Then I have to remember to focus on what I want rather than what I am used to, if that makes any sense...
:/ *hugs* Liz don't let your grandma stop you from calling the police if you need to. She has no right to stop you. As for her getting shit faced drunk I think that's definitely not a good thing to do around your daughter. I don't really know any answers to that unfortunately. Everything will be okay, and if you need to talk I'm always here because I love you and hate seeing you like this.