I'm going to try to keep this short and simple. I'm hopelessly in love with a girl in a guy's body. I am a female, and although I'm bigendered, I'm finding it so hard to accept my love as a girl. I try my hardest to support her, and be there for her when she needs me, but part of me is still in love with her male body. I know that's awful, but I fell in love with her before she told me that she was trans, so it's hard for me to accept her as a girl. We try to talk about the future, and she's already promised me that she won't get a sex change, and that's given me a lot of relief, but she still wants to take hormone blockers and HRT, and I don't know how prepared I am for it. I feel like I'm constantly hurting her, and she feels the same way. Today we were talking about it, and I reached a point where I was so overwhelmed and scared that I actually started to asphyxiate and she had to give me CPR to keep me from literally getting scared to death. Please help me, I just don't know what to do. I don't want me or my love to get hurt, but I don't see how that's possible. We've already sacrificed so much for each other, but I don't want her to give up her dream of being a girl, because I love her too much to let her be in constant pain. A little advice?
I know very little about this subject, first of all. Besides that, it does sound like you are being very hard on yourself. Its ok, you will love one another regardless of the outcome It sounds as if the thing that you are having the most difficult part with is her transition from her male body to her female one. Now remember that is a choice that she needs to make, and you can be there to love and support her, but there is also a point in which you need to consider your own feelings as well. You may very well love her, and appreciate her, but not be attracted to her as a female. Thats fine, and understandable, being bi-gender does not also mean being bi-sexual. You are human, and when it comes down to it attraction is one thing that is very inporntant for a relationship. Maybe a way to find clairity in this matter is to take some time for yourself to think, like a break. (different from a break up) It sounds like you are confused on top of having to try and figure your future relationship out, and the fact you are beating yourself up so much indicates to me that you are probably not truly loving and kind to yourself. Perhaps you need time to heal, and love and appreciate who you are, because if you cant do that how can you expect to appreciate anyone else? I dont know if this helps at all, but I hope you consider whatever small insight that I can give,
Thank you so much for the advice. Every little thing helps. I do find it hard to be attracted to her as a female, but I love her and I don't want to hurt her by telling her that. I've already supported her so much, I think it'll confuse her if I suddenly tell her that I'm not comfortable with it. I'm supposed to see her today, and we both agreed that we were going to try to discuss things, but avoid the future. We're going to talk about our situation, and take out all of the emotion so we can discuss things calmly and with perspective. After that, we plan to talk about our feelings on the subject, so we can slowly begin to figure out what bothers us the most. I do beat myself up a lot, I'm still struggling with self confidence in general, before I was bigendered, I went through a lot of really crappy relationships that really destroyed me. I used to cut and burn myself when I felt too overwhelmed about it, but my love helped me out of that and she is now helping me build my self confidence back up. It seriously helps, anything does at this point, thank you so much for your help.
Hey I will also say it is possible to completely love someone but not be attracted to someone. Quite a few people join EC in a state of confusion because they are in a relationship with someone who they love but who they feel they are not sexually attracted to. As the poster above said just because you are bi-gendered it doesnt mean you are attracted to guys and girls, equally just because you accept her/him as a transgendered person doesnt mean that you can necessarily be attracted to their now body and their future body if that makes sense. I know it is hard to hear but sometimes love just isnt enough, it doesnt mean you cant be there for her and support her but you need to work out exactly how you feel.
I love her to death, and I want to do everything I can for her. I'm going to see her today, and we're going to work a lot of things out, including this.
