1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Making sure we're still friends

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SecretColor, Feb 25, 2012.

  1. SecretColor

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2011
    Messages:
    368
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    From St. Louis, MO; go to school in Philly
    Ok, so a really close friend and I had a romantic situation. Basically, I considered something we were gonna do together a date and he didn't so we called it off. Anyway, I was rather upset for a bit considering certain circumstances, but I feel better now. I'm actually gonna email him to make sure everything's good between us, so could you all take a look at it to make sure it sounds good? Thanks!
    ****
    First off, I want to say that I fibbed when I said I didn't know whether I considered us watching Y Tu Mama Tambien a date; I did consider it a date, but I didn't feel comfortable disclosing that when we talked after class because I could tell something was up.

    Anyway, I hope none of what happened made you feel uncomfortable, and I really hope we can remain friends; regardless of anything else, I like spending time with you (especially platonically). That being said, and I say this as both a friend and fellow introvert, you need to work on your obliviousness in certain…social arenas. I know it isn't your fault, and I'm not angry with you, but when you plan to watch a movie containing multiple sex scenes with someone who has said in the past that they're interested in you, there's one conclusion that is jumped to (even if it's wrong).

    I realize that I probably made assumptions since we're both gay--or at least we're both attracted to guys; I don't want to assume in that area--and spent a good deal amount of time together. I'm really sorry I did that, because I ran the risk of damaging a friendship. And friendships mean more to me than a relationship does.
    ****
     
  2. Mogget

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2010
    Messages:
    2,397
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    New England
    From what I've heard from you about the situation with you and this boy, I'm not sure staying friends is a good idea. Your friend seems to have some pretty big issues with respect to setting boundaries, and you're pretty much smitten with him. The two make for a bad combination. He'll keep doing things that can easily be seen in a romantic light, and, since you're so into him, you'll keep interpreting them in that light and getting your heart re-broken.

    Until your feelings for your friend lessen, it really won't be possible for you to be friends with him, and the best way to get those feelings to lessen is to spend less time with him. Then, maybe, in a few weeks or months, you'll be able to go back to being friends. But for now, it's probably best to distance yourself from him.