Coming Out Process Advice: Masculinity, Society, and Labels

Thats my problem i dont like the culture that ur not a man if you have feelings for another man
If you figure how to live with it please tell me

 

I can be incredibly indecisive and thus have a hard time making decisions such as when to come out - so in my mind the "right time" to tell someone was when the psychological stress of keeping it hidden finally outweighed any potential negative consequence of coming out to them. (This is just me though ~ in the end you'll have to decide your method in coming out).

It sounds to me as if you're not at that point yet, and you seem rather comfortable in "passing" until you can get to college. The fact that you're asking for advice on this does tell me that there's potential to be eventually stressed out over it, but right now I'd just say you'd probably be best doing what's most comfortable for you .

If you're considering coming out more so than I'm reading into, though, maybe you could say a little more about your environment? For instance - does this "macho" culture at your school also include hatred/bigotry toward minorities (specifically gay persons, in this case)? Or is it just the typical, annoying "dude you're so gay" type of teasing?

And the one out guy at your school - how is he treated by your peers? That could give you a decent indication of what to expect if you were to come out.

Anyways, good luck you in whatever you decide. Hope this helps and welcome to EC!

 

Your sexuality doesn't define you - you're right. Whether you like guys or not has nothing to do with how 'macho' you are or what your interests might be.

How is the lone gay guy at your school treated? Does he take a lot of abuse? If so, what could you be doing to make his life better - regardless of whether or not you come out?

If there's no real upside to you coming out in highschool - then don't. As was stated above, we all come out on our own timeline. And generally we come out because it's more uncomfortable staying in the closet than we think it will be coming out. Maybe you're not at that point yet.

 

try not thinking about it too much, it's much more easier doing this if you have already accepted being gay.

from my own experience i put way too much thinking power behind a problem that wasnt even there, and that was way worst than anything i thought was going to happen, it sort of created fear of being seen as too gay or too weird to other people.

but i like who i am, sure im not always macho masculine, but my funny, caring nature, cynical, aggressive, dont give a shit behavior is what got me friends in the first place, and my awesome ability to kick ass in every competitive game out there.

your defined by the barriers you put up yourself, and if that's a fear of being different, then you will always have that feeling of not belonging.

 

Your sexuality doesn't define you unless you let it. You can be gay and manly, those are the best ones! I can't stand raving queens who bleach their hair and sing Born This Way. No offence to anyone here if I just described you, it's just not my cup of tea.
Be yourself. The fact you like penis doesn't mean you have to start dying your hair or whatever.

 

The difference between you and the other openly gay guy is drastic. He's a token gay, you're not. They laugh about him behind his back because they think they can - they don't expect him to come running at them with a punch. If you tell the school you're gay and you get ridiculed, then have fun with it. Either punch one of the guys poking fun at you, or joke with them. You only have to be offended by something if you let it offend you. Besides, most people who mock me for my sexuality only mean it in good nature. Yes, I'd rather they find other ways to amuse themselves, but if they mean no harm it does not bother me.

 

I know what you mean about being afraid of being mis-stereotyped because of what you call yourself. It's part of what is keeping me from moving forward, I think. I'm into pretty masculine stuff, and it's not part of the front I've built myself. It's just my genuine interests. I walk like a dude, act like a dude, and want to sleep with dudes. It shouldn't be that big of deal.

I'm still trying to figure it all out, too.

 

It's kind of up to you. If you would rather just not deal with it, there's no pressing need to come out now. But if you would like to give it a go, I'd say work on OWNING it. If you want to make the case that "gay can be manly", you don't want to come out in a halting, "well, maybe I'm gay but don't tell anybody" sort of fashion. You'll want to say (in effect), "Yeah, I dig guys. You got a problem with that?"

Lex

 

That was absolutely the case with me, where I stressed over it for years ~ I was near hyperventilating when I came out to my mom and to my friends.

And their responses were essentially - "Oh, really? I never would have guessed that. Yeah, no problems dude." Leaving me to wonder why I was terrified of telling them, lol.


It should be noted that such is not always the case though. Some people are absolutely in stuck in situations where it really would not be advisable to come out. You don't appear to be in such a situation . Just felt I should mention that for some people it is better to wait till college..

 

it took me awhile to figure this one out for myself as well, but the conclusion i came to is that it doesn't matter if your masculine, feminine, gay, or straight. you are you and there is nothing more important than realizing that. I'm a fairly androgynous guy and to be honest a straight guy helped me figure it out. so honestly if you only want the image of a masculine guy and that's how you are anyways why worry. ^^ a label is a label and nothing more nobody but you should define who you are.

also when i finally did come out the most i got was "awww your so cute" from the girl i came out to first.....she then proceeded in trying to hook me up with a high school student. but as i type this i should point out only the people i've met at my liberal arts college truly have confirmed knowledge that I'm gay. I haven't truly spoken to any of my friends from highschool in over a year. my true friends showed up when i went to college and meeting them gave me the courage to be me. im not saying this is every liberal arts college but it should be a fairly decent example since its in the bible belt even. ^^