Well since I'm new here I guess I'll introduce myself first. I'm 16, I'm currently attending a virtual school as opposed to a physical high school, and I draw a lot. Anyway, more to the point I'm completely depressed and no one even knows. I literally have only three friends and they all live at least an hour from my house which means I rarely see them. I also very rarely even talk to them on the phone or internet because they are constantly busy with school and such. These three friends, my mom, and my older brother are the only people that know I'm gay. I can't really get much motivation from either of my family members, as my mom (as much as I love her) is just incredibly morbid, and my brother turns everything into a joke. My friends are there for me when they can be, but that's only talking to me two times a month to help me get through tough stuff. For a small period of time I had turned to drugs to take the pain away, but that was soon put to an end as I realized it wasn't helping me at all. On top of all this my father, who has been my hero my whole life, doesn't know I'm gay and is slightly homophobic. I love him so much but I don't know how he would react to finding out that I'm gay, he constantly tries to pressure me into asking out every teenage girl he sees and his constant use of the words "faggot", "queer" and other such slurs really breaks my heart, just thinking of him using one of those words to describe me is enough to make me cry. I don't really know what I need but I think I need some kind of support or motivation, and since everything else failed me I decided to come here looking for it.
Well you have definitely come to the right place if you are looking for support and motivation. I don't really know what words to tell you as encouragement myself, but there are plenty of people on here willing to help. I'm always willing to chat when I'm on. I guess what you are asking for is help in coming out to your father? So I guess the best thing to do is look through the stories here, talk to people here who are going through the same thing and find the best way for you to get through this. Speaking of my own father, he knows, says he loves me, but is still somewhat in denial. I am fortunate in that respect that he loves me, but its still a blow to me to not be fully accepted by him. I would say that even though your father makes homophobic comments sometimes does not necessarily mean he will take it bad if you decide to come out to him. Have you talked to your mother about how he might react? Or is that not feasible? I'm not sure I'm really helping you with this post, but know that you are in the right place, and hopefully someone else will know what to tell you. Again, I'm always willing to lend an ear (or in this case an eye).
Yeah I've talked to her and she told me that "He definately won't take it very good at first, and he's not gonna be happy." So yeah I'm still really scared to come out to him and I really have absolutely no clue how to bring it up because he is completely oblivious to it and has said "I know I raised my children to be 'normal'." Now that really hurt because that made it seem like he thinks of gays as freaks.
I'm sorry about that. Sometimes parents/friends say things though without even realizing what they are saying. Many parents come around eventually. I guess its a process of denial and grief for most parents. My great uncle, who's son is gay was so upset when he found out. But now, 8 years later he is great. I think it took him about 3 years to come around and get through the denial and grief. Every situation is different though, and I guess when it comes down to it, we are the only ones that know how our loved ones will react. Or then again maybe not. Some people will surprise you. Some people choose to wait until they are out of the house and away from parents (not financially dependent) before they come out. Maybe you just need to wait a little bit until it is "safe" to come out to your father. If that is your decision, then in the mean time maybe you can seek counseling? Continue coming here, this community is very supportive. I hope it can help you with the depression. I haven't really had to deal with anything but mild depression myself so I have no legitimate advice to give you on that topic. Plenty of people on here can give you great advice in that area. When I am depressed I usually try and get outside my mind, leave my dorm, take a walk/run, go talk to a friend, or try and do something productive. I've also found that writing down my thoughts and emotions helps. Also, if you can find someone else to help with something (can be as small as homework) then you usually feel better for merely being useful. Like I said though, this is how I deal with mild depression and it works for me, but I don't know if it applies in your case as I'm not sure how severe yours is. Keep your head up though and keep coming here.
You're just 16, have patience. Something I've learned here is that there whould be not a big rush to come out to your parents if you know they wont take it very well, especially fathers, because moms tend to take it easier. Keep coming, as Zec24 said. We will always be here to listen to you Its hard to net have any friends and I understand it. But please, make sure you care about yourself and that you love and accept who you are. That is the most important thing. Friends will come along, one day. But the most important thing that I can tell you is to be proud of yourself because you're a valuable person. I hope this post helps you and if you need to talk we're here for you
*hugs* I am new here too but I wanted to say hi as well. : ) I was wondering, is the choice to attend the virtual high school yours or your parents? You might have some more social interaction if you went to a physical high school. If that's not an option, maybe a nearby school has a gay/straight alliance club that you can still go to even if you are not a student there (I believe there are some rules about home-schooled people being allowed to attend extracurriculars at public schools). I know not every school has one, but it was a thought. Anyway, good luck and I hope to see you around! : )
