I feel like I'm going crazy. Maybe I am already. 1.I'm a transsexual, and my gender dysphoria is geting worse. 2.My bones are starting to hurt because of low density due to having no sex hormones. 3.I'm trying to get diagnosed with aspergers, but was forced to do it through the school. So now my tutor knows I'm an aspie, and is having 'in depth' talks with me, making things worse since I hate talking. 4.A teacher reported to my tutor that there was a bullying incident in class. I'm terrified she's going to tell my dad, and he's going to talk to me, and worry about me, and make problem 9 more likely to occur. 5.Due to all my life shit, I missed four consequetive homework assignments in maths, and my tutor is threatening to put me on report, and has told my dad. My dad is disappointed, my mum is disappointed, and I just overheard a phone call talking about how to motivate me to sort out my homework, and don't they know whats going on with me?????????? and why I can't bloody do it. 6.My tutor has started noticing that I don't socialise much, and spend most of the lunch break alone on my phone. She has told my dad. My dad is worried about me, thinking that I need to talk more (BAD) and need to make friends. She has also asked my dad for permission to "have a talk with the class, tell them I'm an aspie, and explain that I may seem hard to approach". Luckily I stopped him saying yes, but I overheard in the phone call with my mother that she wants him to say yes as well, and that in my own school, the headmistress "had a talk with the students" about something and I don't know what about or when or anything about that incident. 7.I am considering dropping out of school and going back in next year. I am a year ahead, so it won't matter, but everyone will be pissed off and disappointed in me. I'm really good at the work, but I just can't cope at the moment due to all of the above shit. I also want to go to a college instead of a school, and one that doesn't know I'm trans. 8.I'm still upset about having to leave my cat in spain (see post I made a few days ago) 9.My distress at all of the above is showing and my dad (who leaves home a lot to drive my brother around the country because he lost his driving licence) is considering coming home every night, when the only reason I can cope his because he's away so much. 10. Just tell me what to do. I can't fucking cope here. I've literally been screaming in my head and shaking.
Well, the first thing you should do is to take a moment to yourself and relax and meditate, take deep, calming breaths and try to sort your issues as multiple small problems, not one huge problem that is overwhelming you. I can't relate to the not socializing much, but I can understand what it's like for you to not want that. If your tutor is trying to get you to socialize more, maybe try to politely tell her that you don't want her forcing you to try to have a social life, some people are shy and like it that way. And about your parents, try to convince them that you're a teenager, you'll make mistakes, and you're just having a hard time with that subject right now. I was having a hard time in math, too, but I got over it. Also, try not to let your worries get to you too much, try to let them out somehow so that they don't overwhelm you too much. I used to drown in worries and became so overwhelmed that I'd lay down and sort of just zone out until I finally woke up. So, I started keeping a journal and writing poetry, and I know how stupid that sounds but it works, it really works. Besides all of that, all I can say is to stay strong, and not let the stress get to you. I hope that everything works out for you, and I'll be here if you need to talk or vent. Never give up, never lose hope, love like hell <3
