I want Gay Friends...

Hey, you live in Oregon too! Cool.
But I dont know if I can be much help being 15 and all.. Sorry =/

 

^ HOOK UP!

I've only ever feel in love with one gay guy, and kinda had the hots for one gay guy. (Made out with both btw ^^) At highschool I was great friends with 2 gay guys that came out after high school, so I did have friendships with them but I didn't know they were gay at the time. All the other gays I know have had crushes on me and I didn't like them that way, then they go around and stalk me on myspace ect. (sending me really annoying messages and msn convos saying they want me to suck their cock in a park or something =/ No thanks)

 

I've never met anyone that's openly gay, but i'm hoping for the same thing, i'd just like some friends to hang out with.

 

Yeah I know. I was just thinking it was cool that there is actually another gay person in Oregon.. I was starting to feel like a loner in this hick place. :dry:... :lol:
Even though I've met a few I havent had any real friends yet.

 

Are you going to school or college? If so, see if your school has a Gay Straight Alliance. If not, then check for local gay groups around your city.

 

Oh I always laugh when someone who's 21 tells someone else they're too young...

I know someone who's 21 who calls people his age and younger "kids" and while I know it's all cool and hip and colloquial, it really rubs me the wrong way, because it seems so dismissive; it feels like he thinks he's better than his peers. And he's so not, as it happens.

Anyway, to get to the original comment about having gay friends... oh this is awkward, isn't it? Well, it'll get better when you're older. Or really, things will improve as time passes. I'm not actually trying to be an ass but if you're 21 and talking about going clubbing, chances are the people you are hanging out with are also into going clubbing and chances are they are relatively fresh out of the closet and yeah... that kind of crowd tends to lower the chances for meaningful relationships that are platonic. One of the prime purposes of club-going (not the only one, I know, but one of the big ones) is to hook up, so if most people are oriented that way, it's hard to form friendships in that situation.

I think I made all my gay friends through non-club venues, primarily the university gay group I attended and online and through friends of friends and being involved in gay youth activism. I'm trying to think if I ever seriously befriended someone I met first at a club and I think the answer is no, and if it's not "no" it's certainly only 1 or 2 people.

I think also when you are early in the coming out process (even if you aren't, many people around you might be), you are often doing a lot of internal sorting out of stuff, and that tends to make one somewhat self-focused (sometimes to the point of self-absorption). One thing I've noticed looking back on my life and also thinking of people I know now who are in their early 20s is that generally people don't really start developing good "put yourself in other people's shoes" skills until they are approaching the end of university/the middle of their 20s. And I don't think that's because younger people are shallower (some are, sure) but because there's so much turmoil going on in your life when you're in your early 20s in general and then if you've come out around then on top of that, you basically have no fucking clue what's going on with yourself and you're flying by the seat of your pants.

Everyone says that your teenage years are when you're all confused and sorting out who you're going to be and I've found that to be very false, that either that's changed or it never was true in the first case, because I know that most of my friends and I spent a very good portion of our 20s figuring out who we were and what kind of people we were going to be and I think during that kind of sorting out there's not as much room for thinking about other people and their feelings and really to develop good friendships you HAVE to be able to put the other person's needs and desires and feelings first at times. I think we always have the capacity to do that as human beings but our ability to do so starts to become severely compromised in our teens and doesn't really improve until after our early 20s.

So yeah... you should find it easier to make friends as time goes by. But if you can't find decent ones in your usual haunts, try hanging out with different groups of people and see if that helps.

 

Hey hey,

I have 1 gay friend, its cool because he's with somones els and i have absolutly not feelings for him but its not whats its cracked up to be, sometimes i prefer to hang with my straight GF's they're more fun neway ^.^
<< thats my fav melissa In my DP<<<

Catch

 

I want friends who are open like me too. Hence why once I muster the self esteem to, I'm joining the local lesbian bushwalking group "Bush Lemons". As one other woman who my sister works with joined them and she liked it. So yeah. Plus I need to get back into bushwalking.

 

i'm sorry....but, what is "bushwalking"?

 

I don't really hang out with any gay friends either, partially because there just aren't many gay guys in southern Maine. But also, most of the gay guys around here are, well... bitches. Or man-bitches, rather. Not the kind of people I want to hang out with.

 

Bushwalking is Australian for hiking or backpacking. Usually though for me I associate bushwalking with hiking through the bush or forest. And Hiking with well Hiking.

 

One option would be to place an add on craigslist in your local area for gay friends around your age and be specific in wording it that you're looking for a "platonic/friendship-only" relationship. It's not guaranteed to work, but what have you got to lose?

 

I thought i was the only one who had such observation of their environment :dry: Like totally i pretty much don't have any gay friends but i am ok with the friends i have. I can pretty much say anything to them. However, the gays where i live are sorta extreme...honestly not the type of crowd i would want to be apart of. :icon_sad:

 

I agree Chris, u should probably "hook up" with him. He and i are practically the same age and we have common interests and we r friends u might see it's no different :O lol

 

Man i have 1 gay friend and the things we talk about. But i really dont talk to him anymore i wish i had more cause it help talking about stuff which u wouldnt for a str8 person