I only came across this site today and I am thinking "Jackpot"! The treasure trove of info I have been looking for. I am 37 years old and bisexual. I have been trying to figure out if I should focus on my attention on men or women. I know some might argue that since i am bisexual that i should just date both genders and see what happens. Unfortunately it is not that easy (in my perception at least). From my experience it is quite a relationship killer if you tell your partner that you are bi. The problem from my point of view is that a potential partner will always feel that they lack something which they will never be able to provide, should I feel the need for the other sex (whichever that may be). I want to get to the point of making a decision where I can honestly tell an potential partner that I am gay or straight. My story (without getting into too much detail). I have always found women visually attractive. I love their softness, smell and feminine nature. In the bedroom it used to work as well, but over the years it became more and more difficult to keep it up and my interest has diminished. I do not know if it will return. I still find women attractive and my head will turn if a good specimen is seen. I have never really found men visually attractive. I have however always formed very deep emotional bonds with men and this has in several cases lead to a sexual relationship. I absolutely love to have sex with a man and i have never had any problems keeping it up. From what i have written it seems obvious even to me what to do. This is however a very big decision for me as it will determine to a very large extend the choice of a life partner. It seems that this is the place where i can get some opinions. I would greatly appreciate it.
I think you need to try dating both genders and disclosing that you are bisexual to everyone you date. You need to be honest in a relationship and thats why the relationship ends. You may find likeminded people who really want you for you! It sounds like you like guys more, but I wouldn't count out your attraction to women, because it's definitely more than I'v got! haha You can't decide to be gay or straight, no matter what, you will be bisexual. So just try dating and being completely honest with the people you're dating about who you are. Gender doesn't matter, so long as you love them.
It sounds like as you are maturing as a person what is more important to you is becoming more clear. Someone recently told me that in the old days (I think this was around the Mediterranean), men had relationships with women only for reproduction. The real emotional and romantic partnerships were with their male companions. My friend made an argument about how this had been erased from our collective memories, and pointed to the epic Gilgamesh as an example. She said that the partner who dies in the book (i haven't read it so I may be way off) is now portrayed as a sort of business partner, where in the past it was a romantic partner.
Depends on what you're really looking for. Yes, being open about your bisexuality greatly diminishes your personal dating pool, but so does having any kind of tastes, interests, hobbies and occupation. Where do you draw a line? And where would you want your partner draw a line? For instance, I'm a great fan of all things space, from cheesy SF to really wonky stuff about internal workings of stars. So, if I ever find that dream date of mine, and they look me in the eyes and say "bah, humbug, the Moon may be made out of green cheese for all I care, and only nerds can rage about Star Wars prequels..." Would I be happy with them, even if they'll do they best to pretend to be as excited about this stuff as I am when they learn about my hobby? I seriously doubt it. Although it's somewhat of this site's mantra that sexual orientation doesn't define you, it's still important and cherished part of who we are, far more than any hobby or job. So would both of you be really happy in a sexual relationship with that kind of secret about your very sexuality between you? So, what can we do? I think that the only real option here is, well, to try and stack odds in our favour however we can, obvious solution would be to try and find some bi-friendly place/group/website/whatever, - I don't say that bis can only date other bis, or that this kind of preemptive jealousy to "the other team" is completely unknown among us (I wish!) but it's definitely easier to try and frankly work out something with someone who had had similar experiences and harbours similar feelings.
@ Taylor: True, I am bisexual and cannot choose to be straight or gay. And i agree, I am more gay than straight. @ Cyanist: It is true, in a lot of societies in and around the Mediterranean people pursued a bisexual lifestyle. It was a way of life and accepted. Gilgamesh did have a male companion by the name of Enkidu who died. The epic of Gilgamesh is a poem where Gilgamesh embarks on a quest to find a flower which can bring Enkidu back from the dead. @WeirdnessMagnet: In my experience bisexuality is a difficult card to sell in dating. But as i am, and honesty is the foundation of a good relationship, i suppose i do not have a choice. On a side note. I am a space nut of note as well. Love anything related to astronomy. Been into it for many years. Build my own telescope and love taking astrophotos. Thanks for your inputs guys!
