Even though this happen two months ago, I'm still so embarassed by this incident: My French class went to the library at my school to work on a big project at the time. As I was talking to my friend, we overheard a group of my classmates (some who were some good acquintences) talking. My named was metioned a lot in their conversation and then I heard one of my classmates (who I'm not really close to) say "We should just ask him, not just talk about him behind his back." At this time, I knew something bad was going to happen. It was like my conscience was saying: "Get ready!" The same kid walked up to me and point-blank asked me very loudly: "Are you gay?" All of my classmates, teacher, librarians, and everyone else in the library had their eyes on me. I was mortified; I couldn't believe someone would ask me that so publicly. I didn't care that those people were talking about me behind my back; I'd rather want them to speculate and gossip about me! I was so stunned that I had to have him repeat it again just to make sure he actually said that. I told him no and everyone continued with their work like nothing ever happened. Then about 3 weeks ago, I was in French class again and I was talking to a group of friends about an assignment of ours. A girl who had her head down that was sitting beside me suddenly pops her head up and asks me was I gay. Again, I was totally caught off guard by a question like that. I tell her no and then there's awkward silence before we continued our conversation. I felt horrible for lying but I was not ready to come out to everybody, esp. not like the two ways it could have happened. Although it was brave for them to ask me, it was incredibly rude and impulsive for them to ask in the manner they did. I just wanted to type this up and see what you guys and girls have to say.
The ignorance of heterosexuals never ceases to amaze me. :rolleyes: If you aren't ready to come out to them, then just respond with "No, and stop asking me." Once you are ready, be sure to explain to them that you weren't ready to say yes in such a public setting. If they accuse you of lying (it happens), then say you were afraid of what people would think. This usually wins them over.
Wow I'm sorry people are being so pushy and obnoxious with you. It's one thing to ask someone one-on-one in a private setting but to have it keep happening in front of people is just so thoughtless and cruel.
Trying Saying " None of your Business" cause that happen to me and i said no and felt really bad it makes it twice as coming out as gay cause they bring up earlier u said no
Wow, that is a bit pushy and rude and inconsiderate of them. Well, just remember you did nothing wrong, so you have nothing to be embarrassed about, even though I get why you would be, and if they ask again, tell them no and tell them to quit asking you because it's annoying and childish and rude.
The same thing happened to me at college, I think the worst part was looking around and seeing everyone looking at me waiting for an answer. At least the guy said 'we won't mind if you are' and the fact was they probably wouldn't, but I was so overwhelmed at the time I didn't know what to say except 'no'. Funnily enough if the guy had asked me in private, we used to talk quite a lot, I would have come out to him. My biggest regret now is not telling them. They will probably never know now as I doubt I will see any of them again now college is over.
LOL omg that happened to me soo much last year. My friend whos real cool with me now last year kept asking me "carlos r u gay? its ok i still luv you" and i kept spazong out and i was liek "fuck no why the fuck do u care? stupid bitch" lol yeah..i didnt wana come out but then when i came out she was like..i knew...all the girls knew..we all luv u anyway and i got a big long needed hug =]
Sorry that people are insensitive. I've only ever had one friend flat out ask me, and she had the decency to do it in private. But, if people ask there is no shame in telling them its none of their business. It really isn't, unless you want them to know. I understand about feeling dishonest though, and that I have no advice for sorry. I guess I just rationalize it as being for my own safety or emotional well-being?
Yeah you have to take care of yourself first, in that situation for sure. Honesty is overrated, anyway.
It's funny, though... I always feel like I wish someone HAD asked me, privately and seriously, way before I came out because I was so clueless/in denial that it might have actually snapped me out of it and helped me figure it out. And in fact, when I finally did come out, the precipitating moment was that someone who was gay had said to me he thought I was too. But obviously you don't want people bugging you about it and even more not doing it in front of other people. :eek:
Thanks guys for the support.(*hug*) Even though it really isn't anyone's business what my sexuality is if I don't tell them directly, wouldn't saying 'none of your business' be a dead giveaway? I mean, a straight person would never say that since they'd have nothing to hide. In my French class, we're very open and blunt with each other, but this to a whole new level!
It is sad and frustrating when someone asks you "are you gay?" and you're going to answer... "No, I'm not" and a your friend answers "He is not gay and he wont ever be" without them knowing you actually are. Happened to me and now I cant come out to that friend because she still thinks I'm straight. HATE THAT! LOL!
That happened to me once. It was in 8th grade, and we were on a bus riding to Adventureland for a band performace. There were like three rows of us in a big conversation and all of the sudden one of the girls there looks at my best friend and asks him "Are you gay?" He looked at her kind of shocked and said "...umm..No." This was followed by laughter and him hitting her and calling her an idiot. Then she turns to me and says "What about you? Are you gay?" It was really quiet for a few seconds(actually, it probably wasn't that long, it just felt like forever) and I didn't know how to respond. I had NEVER expected to be asked that, first because, honestly, what kind of person asks somebody if they're gay? Second because I had a girlfriend that I happened to really like at the time. Part of me wanted to say yes, but I decided that it would just be stupid to say it(because I wasn't sure if I was gay....not that I am now either, but anyways...). So I say(while hoping my voice doesn't sound wierd because of my nervousness)"Are you crazy? Where would you get that idea?" And then I proceed to hug my girlfriend and say "If I were gay, why would I be with her?" That was probably the most traumatic moment of my time in middle school...
i wish people at my school would ask me! i'd tell them yes. i want to come out so badly but its a catholic all girls school so i'd probably be ostraszed although i am a loner anyways so i couldn't be worse. and a few bisexual girls are out and not really picked on. i just hate living a lie. now though when you come out everyone will think your a lier. so a lier and gay. i don't know i would rather take embaressment and gay i mean ur gunna come out anyway evantually .unless you'd rather be a lier to yourself.
^I feel that way now too. Three years ago I wasn't comfortable saying that I am(gay or bi or whatever), but now, if somebody asked me, I probably would say yes. Well...depending on who it was. If it was some jerk that was asking me only so he would have a chance to ridicule me, then no. But if it was a friend or somebody I respected, then yes.
Wow, dang dude, pushy people. That sucks, such ignorant people, all eyes on you and such. Hey, if your not ready just say no, i probably would have freaked and been like "No! i mean, wait no---uhh no im not" lol so just say no if your not ready. People ALWAYS speculate about me, but I ALWAYS turn it into a joke when someone asks me, im always like "Oooo hey sexy." So it's seen as a joke, since im a huge joker. One time, a really close friend of mine pretended to be my girlfriend for a couple days while she was in town, so for now im "for sure, straight" thanks god for friends like that
