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I think. I've fallen for my best friend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Smash, Feb 28, 2012.

  1. Smash

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    Hi
    I'm completely new to this site.

    This is the second time I've questioned my sexuality in the last few years.

    I've known my friend for over five years now and we get on really, really well. In the last few months however, I've started to look at her In a different light. Basically I love being with her, the rest of the world doesn't matter. She's like a ray of sunshine. She's happy, bubbly makes me laugh and is just amazing. Whenever we organise to meet up I always get this wonderful feeling inside. When I'm not with her I think about her almost all the time, from first thing in the morning to last thing at night. I would give anything to have an intimate relationship with her. Basically, I feel as though I want to spend the rest of my life with her and I can't even bare to imagine it any other way.

    The only problem is that she is straight :'(

    I don't know what to do. She Is a very ope~minded and accepting person but I don't know if this will be too much for her. The last thing I want is to lose her as a friend.

    Has anyone else been In a similar situation? How did you handle it?

    Any advice/support would be greatly appreciated :slight_smile:

    Xxx
     
  2. Indiana Juno

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    I've been in your situation and got past it. And I find myself in that situation again. Fortunately this time I have the experience to draw from.

    I can't tell you how to get over your friend while continuing to see her as frequently as you do. Usually it takes time and distance before you notice the feelings disappearing. I'd tell you to look at her faults, but not overly so. You don't want to start hating her, but at least realize that she's human - the problem with most of our crushes is that we view them as too perfect - especially when it's someone who's straight. They become perfect and unattainable and before you know it youve got a picture of them as some kind of saint.

    I'll also tell you NOT to tell her about your feelings for her. She may love you as a friend completely. But if you tell her how you've been feeling, she may start to think about all the great times you've had and fill in the blanks with something that may not be there. I.E. "Smash held that door for me - I thought it was nice at the time, but was all of that just to get in my pants?"

    If she doesn't know you're gay, you could tell her and see how she takes it. Just don't tell her about the feelings you have for her. I know it's just bursting to get out of you, but i told the guy I liked how I liked him and things have never been the same. Good luck and keep us posted. Feel free to message me if you need to talk.
     
  3. Lexington

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    When you say "this will be too much for her", do you mean "she won't be interested in nudging into a romantic/physical relationship with me"? Or do you mean "she won't want to have anything more to do with me"?

    If she's truly your friend, you might want to just take the first step - come out to her. Tell her you think you might be gay/bi. Tell her you're still working through things, and you're not sure what you feel about everything, so you might need to take some time to yourself to figure things out. Then, do it. If you feel yourself getting to wrapped up in her, take a bit of a break.

    Lex
     
  4. hml8

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    Hey Smash, first off welcome! :slight_smile:

    I think that if it's meant to happen it will, but that you should try not to push it along. I think that sometimes it can go well to admit your intimate affection for a friend, but not always, maybe not even often, but it depends on her. If she is definately straight you don't want to ruin your friendship by making her feel awkward and even more so you don't want to get together because she feels affection towards you, but for her to realise that it's just not right for her and then have an awkward relationship because of that.

    Though if your feelings are strong enough and genuine and your friendship does naturally progress then it could be a really good relationship which may just fade with time and not leave either of you too hurt or bitter to be friends.

    I would also therefore not suggest telling her or even trying to usher things along as it may not be worth the loss of your friendship.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do! :slight_smile:
     
  5. Smash

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    Hi

    Thanks for the responses everyone.

    I know deep down that I shouldn't tell her how I feel. I know that it will make things really awkward or even scare her away and that's the last thing I want.

    She does have faults like every other human being e.g. she can talk for England, but none of them really bother me.

    The first time I questioned my sexuality I was going through a really tough time (psychological issues) so when I recovered I just brushed it off.

    I've never had good relationships with guys. I'm always nervous/uncomfortable around them and just can't seem to connect with them. Sure, I see some guys and think, "wow, he looks good." But it never goes any further than that. I imagine what it would be like to kiss or even have sex with them and it doesn't turn me on at all.

    However, I'm still not 100% sure what I am. I just don't know at the moment :frowning2:
     
  6. Smash

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    I've decided that I'm going to talk to one of my other friends about this :slight_smile: