Hello. I'm obviously unable to figure this out by myself, so I'm hoping someone here can give me some insight. First of all, I'm 16. I know, young. This isn't my first relationship. I've dated 4 girls before this, all of the relationships lasting at least 4 months to 1 year. So I'd say that as far as keeping a relationship, I'm pretty skilled, it's just that I can't seem to keep a stable one. Understandably, I've been wanting more freedom lately. I'm young, & I want the chance to be young & dumb while I can. I want to be able to party & go clubbing when I turn 21, when I grow up I want the chance to go out with my friends & be stupid, maybe jump from relationship to relationship & just have fun. But the relationship I’m in right now demands more commitment on my part, which I seem to be struggling with. All of this is just background stuff. The real problem now is my girlfriend. We met each other online & met up in person a few times, but after only a month she moved away with her family. Our relationship is now long distance & mostly we can only talk through texts. Her parents absolutely loath me, so we hardly ever get to actually talk on the phone. We’ve been together this way for 8 months, but I’m so restless. Aside from my commitmentphobia, this girl is just plane pissing me off lately. Like, it was so good in the beginning. I know I love her, but I don’t know if I can deal with this much longer. To begin with, we can barely talk due to her paranoia of her parents blocking me or taking her phone away. I understand that this is not her fault, but it’s a lot to handle. Even after they threatened to block me & never followed through several times, she still will not talk to me sometimes. We have a weekly talking time on Friday & Saturday nights, but am I needy to want more? She’s very much of a drama queen. She’ll give me the silent treatment, or she’ll obviously be upset about something but refuse to tell me why (expecting me to fall to pieces at her feet & beg her to tell me, I guess). She’s just a downer on my day. She used to make me smile just thinking about her, but now 9 out of 10 texts I get from her are depressing. Well, I for one have a pretty happy life (most of the time), & I enjoy my happy days. I want her to talk to me when she’s sad, but I don’t want her to do this evasive shit, & then stop talking to me altogether when I try to help. I’m constantly trying to get her to open up to me in a healthy way, not saying “Oh I want to cut, I’m not gonna tell you why, I just thought I’d let ya know.” You know what I mean? Then I’m supposed to be reduced to sobs & try to make it all better by myself with only one-word texts in response to my attempts. We want two totally different lives. Not like this is a very pressing issue right now, since we’re both still young. But I’ve been thinking about it a little bit, & I thought: I’m a city girl. I love the thought of neon lights & being stupid & living in the city near my family, going to the clubs, etc. She’s a country girl. She wants marriage, kids, horses, a farm, the whole package. I don’t think I’ll ever be responsible enough to have kids & horses & a wife, at least not so young. I just wanna have fun. She’s stressing over this for some reason, & I’m not. Therefore she’s telling me that I “don’t sound like I want to be with her anymore.” Whatever. Also, I don’t know if I can trust her. She tells me about girls at school who she likes, & she’s even admitted that these girls flirt with her & she flirts right back. She says that it makes her feel good to flirt with girls. I asked her if her flirting is serious or joking, & she says sometimes it’s serious. Sometimes they literally talk about sexual stuff with each other & are serious about it. I told her that I appreciate that she told me, but I no longer trust her not to do anything ehind my back. By her own admition she “might not be able to control herself if given the chance with another girl.” When I ask why, she says she’s just sexually frustrated & she’s too far away from me. Well, ditto babe, but at least I know what the words “boundaries” & “priorities” mean. Finally, I think she wants to change me. I’m a butch. I’m a soft butch, but a butch nonetheless. A misconception is that butch is a look. It’s actually a mentality. But my girlfriend didn’t even know what butch was until I told her about it. Now she keeps telling me that there’s this “hot butch” at her school & she wants me to dress like that, cut my hair, where guy clothes, etc. I’m like, no, discussion closed. You want me, you want a woman who looks like one. Don’t get me wrong. I truly do love her, & there is some good in our relationship. It just seems that the bad outweighs the good lately. It hurts to think of letting her go. I don’t want to, but I’m getting tired of all this. Just today I texted her & said “Hi ” & all I get are one-word answers & the same “I’m obviously pissed off right now but I’m gonna be illusive about it & make you drag it out of me” thing. Well, I’m not doing it anymore. I can’t keep dealing with her bullshit. What should I do? Should I just have a good talk with her or is it time to say peace bitch?
Well you could have a good talk with her, but is that what you really want? From reading this post, I can't think of a single good reason as to why you would want to stay in this relationship. You even said it yourself, you want to have fun and be young! And as far as stable relationships go... you're 16! The fact that you've been in a relationship with someone for almost a year at that age is remarkable. Every single teenager I knew in high school had a relationship that lasted for maybe 4 months tops. And to them that was a looong time :lol: Give yourself some credit So what do you want to do? I understand that you love her and it must be hard to let someone you love go... so let me ask you this: Do you think you would be happier without her in your life? If the answer is yes.. then there's really only one thing left for you to do.
Hmm good question. I'm such a bad judge of these things. The girlfriend I had before her started annoying me in a similar way, except we went to school together so it was 50000 times worse. But after I broke up with her I felt freakin horrible, like there was a hole cut out of my heart. So no, I'm just gonna guess that my life will not be any better, probably worse. She really does make me happy still, it's just this cloudy feeling that's getting stronger over the past weeks. I just wonder if it's worth sticking around to see if it gets better or not. I do know one thing. I might not stay with her forever. As a matter of fact, that's most likely not gonna happen. But maybe it's worth loving her now. Idk, this is a struggle with myself. This is precisely why I stopped dating for 3 years after my last girlfriend. I get sick of them or annoyed with them too quickly & then I have this delemma
