heres the problem. i dont know if its social anxiety or what the problem is but it seems like im always assuming the worst in my relationships with people (friendships, family ect) evertime someone doesnt text me back or backs out on plans or maybe they dont do anything, i always create assumptions in my head that arent true...i assume that they did whatever it is they did because im annoying, or im boring, or they dont like me ect. and it always turns into this huge problem in my head when in reality..the person is just busy or is in a bad mood that day or whatever the problem is i dont know why i worry so much about what people think about me..it never used to be this bad...something tells me it has something to do with me being in the closet...maybe some inner self hatred or something..i just dont know..i just want to live and enjoy living instead of trying to figure everyone elses thoughts and judgements when in all reality they most likely have no problem with me has anyone else felt this way ever?...i know this post is kind of all over the place...i tried to put my thoughts together as best i could
It totally makes sense. I think you getting close to the root when you mention the closet. I don't know how much you have worked on self-acceptance, but you must have a certain degree of self-acceptance to be on here and listing orientation as lesbian. Keep going further with that. I don't think that this will solve all your problems, or happen overnight. For me it took a little more courage to get to a point where I realized that this was all coming from inside, and had nothing to do with the actions of others. I think that there is also credence in the idea that we need to find love for ourselves, within ourselves, and not from those around us. ---------- Post added 28th Feb 2012 at 08:15 PM ---------- I read this after responding to your post. Some of it is a bit above my level of understanding, but other parts make a lot of sense. Let me know what you think: Self acceptance or Ego Death?
I think a lot of people feel that way, but they also find - as you have - that all the worrying if for nothing. And in fact, the worrying can often sabotage the relationship that didn't actually have anything wrong with it in the first place. So make it a point to let these things go. If you're asking someone a question or sending them an invitation, maybe you're better to actually call them rather than text. But if you text or leave a message, assume that they're busy, and plan on doing your own thing rather than waiting for a response that may never come. (Or may come too late to do the thing you were thinking about.)
I feel that way every day of my life. I have almost no friends, because I'm really afraid of reaching out to people. Thoughts cross me: What if they don't like me? What if they think I'm annoying? What if they start talking to me out of pity? What if they are hanging out with me just because they have nothing better to do? It is torturous and makes being social very, very hectic. So I know exactly what you're feeling. You MUST address this as a fear: A fear of what people think of you and of what people will think of you. You and me both know it's nonsense to think about what others think, or ever will think, of us. It's irrational, distracting, and not very productive. We still hold on to the fear though, and I have yet to figure out why that is. I am slowly crawling out of this very dark hole, and so far what I've been doing is working. 1. Chances are, if you have someone's number already, they liked you enough to give it to you. Remember that! People like you! 2. Remember that nobody is out to get you/harm you. 3. Invite people out, it will give you more confidence. 4. Don't worry so much. If they don't like you, they probably would've said something by now! And if they don't? Who cares? I know it's WAY harder to apply than to just read it, but we'll both eventually get out of this. This is a kind of social anxiety that most people don't get kinda and it sucks BAD to deal with. BUT like all social anxieties, they can be conquered! Good luck in the future!
