So, here's the thing... I love her, as a friend and sister, we've been friends since 2002. Over a year ago she started dating one of my ex boyfriends. He's a controlling ass, and dangerous. I've told her this several times. I told her I don't approve of the relationship, and I will do the best I can to tolerate it but that I can't allow him around my daughter. Since they started dating everything EVERYTHING is about him.... and he lives in MINNESOTA we live in FLORIDA... she dosn't text or call me but once a month now unless its to complain about how someone told her that hes cheating on her... Well, She just got back from a week in Ireland with him... with a ring... so yeah they are getting married.... I can't deal with this... I need to cut all ties, and I have no clue how.... help? Or, am I over reacting???
If you don't want to have contact with someone any more, then just stop contacting them. I don't see why it is necessary to make a big drama about it or even mention that you aren't associating with them - just don't contact them any more. Simple as that. If they contact you, then be courteous but don't encourage it. Now, if you do want to continue this friendship with her and instead want to change the direction that the friendship is heading (which I think is actually the case here) then obviously cutting all contact isn't the answer. You will have to mention to her that you're concerned that the only thing you talk about any more is your ex and you aren't comfortable with it. As to how you can do this tactfully.. well I can't give you any advice about that because I have the social skills of a potato. But I very much doubt suddenly cutting off all contact with your best friend is the answer.
Hi there! To add to Ridiculous' points, I think you are within your rights as a friend to say to her 'look, I am not a complaining wall. I like to help and I will be there for you, but a friendship is far more than that.' I wouldn't cut off all ties with her immediately given that she is one of your best friends. But you definitely will need to lay down some boundaries that she will need to respect. In some ways, setting the boundaries and making to her clear as to what you are comfortable with, already is distancing yourself from your current friendship with her. Setting your boundaries around your ex-boyfriend and his ability to be in contact with your daughter, is also within your rights. I think it would become more problematic if the two of them don't respect your wishes and/or set boundaries. Then I think you can certainly say: 'I have tried to be accommodating, but you don't seem to understand from where I'm coming from, thus I don't think this friendship is going to work out anymore, unless you change.' But then again, it really comes down to as to what you think is in your best interest. If your friendship has started to be too worrisome for you, or it has become something you don't feel comfortable with anymore, then you need to let her know and inform her that unfortunately the circumstances are such that you are no longer comfortable with the friendship and you need to have distance from her.
Your posting for me stopped at allowing "him around my daughter". I choose not to expose my kids to individuals/couples/families that would/or do create these types of feelings. Never have been a big fan of dating/having relationships with peoples exs. Too close for me.
I have told her how I feel about it several times she promises to stop talkin to me about him and web I bring up that i don't war him around my daughter she tells me I'm silly that he would never hurt her even tho he has told her he wishes I was dead.... Yeah my "best fiend" is marrying a guy who wishes I was dead
If you really want to cut ties, just say "I really care about you, but I don't know if I can watch you get involved with this guy." Then start drawing away. Lex
I had a friend like this whose boyfriend was extremely anti gay (and had no issue telling me every chance he got) and got her into some horrible stuff like drugs and violent groups. I considered her my sister for years but I had to cut ties. The only way to do it is to just stop talking to her. If she asks you just say "I'm sorry but this is the way it has to be" you need to think of yourself and your child first.
Stay strong! Keep reminding yourself that you're wishing to end this friendship because it's so obviously toxic, it takes a lot of guts but the rewards you'll get in completely severing all ties with her will change your life in ways you can't imagine yet - I just got rid of my "Best Friend" (Who I've known for 8 years, dated for 4, she cheated on her boyfriend with mine, lied about it, and actively goes out of her way to destroy lives of people who get too close to me) - If you don't want to you don't even *have* to tell her why you don't want to talk to her anymore - just cease contact and breathe easy once she gets the hint, sometimes, that's the only way people like her will learn, really tough love!
