So my two friends who I sit with at lunch know I'm bisexual. I haven't got the chance yet to tell them I'm actually gay. Anyways, we pretty much never speak of it, maybe a few times if even. I don't want to bring it up, I'd rather they do it, and they probably think the same. Anyways, they told me they are okay with it. But small comments not directed at me hurt. Such as today at lunch, my friend was talking about how when she searched Kendall and Logan pictures on google. She found one with writing saying something like, "So wrong, but so right". Obviously whoever made it was referring to them being gay, although they're not. Anyways, my other friend said, "Oh that's gross." Or something along the lines of that. She probably didn't think anything of it. But I kind of took it that she was saying that gay relationships were gross. I don't really know if she really thinks this, and she's just saying my sexuality is okay so she doesn't seem like a bad friend, or it was just a small stupid comment she said. I mean they talk about LGBT things nonchalantly, not good, not bad. Just mentioning. Noting pertaining to me, or anyone else in the school (no one is out anyways). Just like, "Oh, wouldn't it be funny if he was gay?" Referring to the guy my friend who said that likes. And stuff like that. That's not hurtful. But sometimes other things can be a bit. I'm probably taking them too seriously, I don't know.
I know what you mean. My friends do that too. Same for my girlfriend... shes bi so...yeah... I dont know. But what really gets me is my parents! They think they're all cool or something because they say "That's so gay!" and stuff like that. It just hurts... So one day I saw this poster at the mall and it said something like: "thats so gamer that has more video games than friends." and I really liked it. So the next time my dad said "thats so gay." I blurted out " Thats so Andy!" (andys my dads name btw) But anyways I got grounded for that.... I still thought it was meaningful... Im not really sure why I wanted to share that story. But I get what you're talking about and its always going to hurt... or atleast it still does for me. :/
My brother says stuff like that too! Haha I love what you did, even if you got grounded! My Dad's name was Andy too. Haha that was random..... Oh well, i guess it's just something we have to deal with =/
Well, we shouldn't have to deal with it! Its dumb that they get to walk around being all "normal" and acting like we're freaks of nature or something! We're not! So I just can't wait for the next time I can stand up for this again! I want it to be at school, im not sure how I'll do it... but i want to defend this, for all of us gere at EC!!! ^ That was a bit of a rant... hahaha
I have noticed that with increasing self-acceptance I stop blaming the other people for their hurtful words and thinking, and instead feel understanding for them, realizing that they were raised in a way that made them believe these things. The anger ceases to exist. The only person you are going to change is you. Someone on here made a great point the other day about self-acceptance. Something along the lines of "the world only accepts you as much as you accept yourself", truer words have not been spoken. I am going to say it was TyRawr who posted that.
Love the that is so "Andy" comment. If my daughter(s) were to say that to me I would crack up. Growing up is hard enough without all of the subliminal messaging that exists in our media, families - friends that filters down to all. I have found that by simply questioning peoples comments as to their actual meaning, if you are communicating with a sane individual can lead to enlightened discussion. My suggestion is to choose your battles, can be an up-hill journey.
Oh I feel you man. Those kind of comments hurt me too even though I try to hide it. I'm only out to a few friends and we joke a lot. But for instance if one of them brings up the fact that I haven't had a girl in 7 years then that hurts me really bad. So I know how you feel. For some reason we become more sensitive when we start to like the same sex. I don't know why but we just do.
At some point i just started "banning" my friends from using comments like that. if one comes up around me (ex, "thats so gay!" using gay as if it has a negative connotation) i'll remind them what i am and threaten to drop something heavy on them if they do it again...nit usually isn't a very big issue though because many of my friends are members of the LGBTQ community.
When I hear my friends (at least the ones who have come out) say "That's so gay" "That (noun) was so gay." I usually go up to them and say "That's Straight" or "That was so f'ing straight aye?" (and yes, I literally say effing in real life) and then they proceed to apologize, they understand that I find comments like that harmful, because gay shouldn't be an insult.
I am not out at work, and so I have to stay quiet. But I also believe most of them say those things not because of actual enmity. More because that sort of thing is the standard 'accepted' behavior for them. Once I am out, I think perhaps the occasional gentle reminder might do. At least I hope it will, my expectation is that the jokes will be more trans oriented after that. >.>
