Hey, Guys I usually consider myself a fairly positive person who wants to find solutions not get mad, but I need to rant somewhere. I have had a horrendously sh*t time latley, firstly I have been waiting 6 weeks to see a counsellor due to a long history of depression and they phone me today and have told me it will take anther 4 weeks before I can even speak to someone, I mean seriously when you need help they just dont give a damn, am I really that worthless that they can p*ss around with my mental well being, so frustrated right now. I also feel I have accepted the fact I am gay but for some reason am finding it impossible to come out to anyone, it's so frustrating like theres some voice in the back of my head telling me once I come out theres no way back and my sister doesn't talk about it at all with me apart from calling me camp from time to time. I have to deal with my work colleagues going on about coming out all the f*cking time, seriously it's so stupid why do they care so much, I can't stand them thinking me coming out is something they can joke about with constantly in front of me, also one of my managers who I have told that I am having a bit of a rubbish time at the moment is also busting my balls over the stupidest of things constantly, like I don't have enough to think about without him starting. He had a go today and I was so close to snapping I honestly have no idea how I stayed calm, I even had to walk out the room for a while to compose myself. And now to top it all off today the doctor told my family there pretty certain my nan has cancer and we should prepare for the worst as she wouldn't have much time left, not sure it has hit me yet as they need tests to confirm this and I REFUSE to beleive it till the tests come back. Seriously whats the point in waking up tommorow morning, it's just non stop cr*p being flung my way just don't know what to do, if there is a god would be nice for some kind of help now Sorry to go on but I feel so bad right now and don't know what to do :icon_sad: god I hope my nans okay :tears:
Have you seen your own medical doctor about your depression? I don't know about the UK health system, but perhaps it's possible that if he feels it's important, he can find a place to squeeze you forward. And if your depression is chemical in nature, your doctor might be the right first step, anyway. As for the rest of it, not much else to say. Keep thinking positive thoughts to the best of your ability, and be there for your nan and the rest of the family if they need it. Lex
Hey, I know everyone's situation is different, and I'm sorry your having a rubbish time at the moment, but your situation has some similarities to mine so I thought I'd offer some support! I recently waited an extremely long time to get help for anxiety and depression, over a 6 month wait to see a cbt specialist. It sucks a lot, it just feels like your life is on hold until you can see a professional; but you just have to hold on, from my experience time is the best healer for depression, you'll have your ups and downs and when you do receive help, change will come gradually, in the meantime you could try making lists of all the things that are making you depressed just to get your thoughts in order? Seeing it on paper makes it easier to organize your worries, you might even notice that some things are remedial in comparison to harsher things, taking a bit of weight off your shoulders. My brother and sister tease me about coming out, and I haven't told anyone yet, and it can be really upsetting when you're fighting so hard to say it out loud and you feel like you're being humiliated for something you haven't disclosed yet. It can make you want to not tell them for fear of further embarrassment or spite, but honestly that's the worst thing you can do, the mocking should die down as soon as they see how proud you are of who you are, because you seem to have put up with a lot of shit recently, and honestly, if they can't see that? Fuck them, who are they to judge you? Just keep soldiering through, I'm not saying it's going to be easy, hell I'm in no position to do so, but keep smiling, us gays often have more strength than we realize since we've had to come to terms with what seems like a life shattering and shameful thing - our orientation - early in life. All the best
thanks for the input guys, I feel better tonight, think getting it out of my system helped me a lot. Yeah chip I went through the doctor for the referral to counselling, but might be a good idea to see if I can chase them a bit. Thanks for that Adam, it's helpful to hear from someone going through similar problems, I feel even though this is really tough nothing can top the feeling of truly being honest with yourself after years of denial :icon_bigg
>>>Yeah chip I went through the doctor for the referral to counselling, but might be a good idea to see if I can chase them a bit. Thanks heaps. Lex
sorry Lex, kinda rushed typing that :icon_redf think I need to stop looking at so many threads at once
Coming out is never easy my friend and pressure only makes it worse. Do you have any close friends or family members you're close to that you can tell? It would make dealing with being gay a whole lot easier.
I have told my sister but thats it at the moment, there are a few people I would like to tell but something always seems to get in the way when I build up the courage and my brain keeps telling me that stuff is going to change between us if I tell them :icon_sad:
