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Meeting my girlfriend for the first time. Advice needed.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by missyjustice, Feb 29, 2012.

  1. missyjustice

    missyjustice Guest

    Hey everyone. I haven't been on here for a while but i am really in need of some advice and quick. I will be meeting my girlfriend for the first time this Friday. Long story short, I met her on a blogging site. And at first we were just friends for a very long time. Like almost two years we messaged back and forth and during that time I dated different people and I had no romantic feelings for her at all. Then a few months ago she confessed her feelings to me. And after she asked me for my number we started talking over the phone and I realized that I was really attracted to her too. We'd stay on the phone for hours and everything seemed really perfect.

    So throughout all of this time i haven't really known what she looked like. We did exchange pictures and at first when I saw her I wasn't super attracted to her. But she grew on me because I am attracted to other parts of her that I saw as more important. However, last week we video chatted for the first time and long story short I'm not attracted to her physically much at all. not even so much about how she looks but also the way she carries herself. she's just not my type at all and when we actually converse face to face (via video/facetime) it's not at all the same as it was online or in our initial phone conversations. we don't seem to have much in common although we do share similar views on things there just isn't that natural chemistry...

    She told me that when we messaged online she would try and impress me and it seems to me like she's not that person that she appeared to me to be much at all. And that just changes everything because that is the person that i was attracted to. Our phone convos were great in the beginning but recently she told me that she was now "acting like herself" so I guess she was still trying to impress me then

    I'm worried because i feel like i spoke certain words to soon. We already are telling each other that we love each other and we've made promises to be with each other forever and she's talking about me being her future wife! So I just feel like a b---- for lack of a better word because I did make her these promises and she opened up so much to me and she says she's so happy now and I just don't want to go on this date (this Friday) and have the both of us leave feeling like crap. :frowning2:

    In the event that i decide that we should be just friends how do I even go about it? I'm her first girlfriend and the first person she's even dated. I remember how that feels and I know that it's going to be really difficult for her...
     
    #1 missyjustice, Feb 29, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 29, 2012
  2. silverhalo

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    I think that despite the fact it is hard honesty is always the best policy, if you are not comfortable meeting her on friday then I think you should have a conversation with her before then where you can at the explain how you are feeling, sure she might be a bit hurt but the longer you leave it the worse it will be. If you are happy to meet her on friday then perhaps you could say that you just want to take it really slowly, as you are unsure.

    Fundamentally you need to do what is right for you, because if you stay in it just to keep her happy eventually she wont be happy because you wont be happy.
     
  3. Filip

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    I concur with Silverhalo here. Honesty is the best policy, even if it isn't the easiest one. It's better to disappoint people with honesty right away than by leading them on and on and only afterwards having the truth be discovered.
    Because, what's the alternative here: to stay with her, just because you made an ill-advised promise and want to shield her from any disappointment?

    That said, there's different levels of interaction. I'm probably slightly differrent when I'm writing a post, chatting, phoning, videochatting or meeting someone in person.
    Not even that I'm consciously changing my style, but it just comes with the differences of each mode of communication.

    So on some level, it might be at least interesting to meet up and see how it works in real life. If it doesn't, it doesn't, but you'd definitely know for sure.

    In any case, whether you do or don't go on that meeting, it might be best to calmly, but clearly mention beforehand that, while you had a great deal of fun talking to her earlier, you are having doubts now that things are turning more concrete.
    That you feel you might have rushed into conclusions and that you feel this date is loaded with more implications than you feel comfortable with. And that if it is to proceed, the base assumption is only to have it be a friendly meeting.

    She'll probably be slightly hurt, but if she can accept that, then meeting up is a possibility to just get a better impression of where you stand (even if it is essentially closure to the relationship).
    If she can't accept that... then it is probably best to not have it on this friday as only awkwardness can lie that way.

    In any case: don't be too afraid to disappoint her. Disappoinments aren't fun, but you survived yours, and she will survive hers. Often overcoming disappointments is what makes us better people. And as long as you're honest, that can only be for the best!