Hello everyone About 2 weeks ago, I started going to group therapy. Mainly the group is for people with social anxiety, extreme shyness, or a general difficulty connecting with other people. So as far as I know, that means no lgbt people there. In group, we're supposed to talk about our major issues and of course one of the main issues I have been having is accepting the fact that I'm gay. I realize that in order to get everything that I need out of group, I have to open myself up completely to everyone there. This is definitely very hard for me as they are all still strangers. In addition, I've only come out to one person and that was through email. Finally, I worry that me coming out to them might affect the dynamics of the group. I know one of them comes from a religious background and this may affect the way that they view lgbt people. I just don't want things to get uncomfortable and I am wary about trusting other people with this kind of information. In the end, I know that if I'm to really get to the root of all my issues, I will have to come out to them. What I don't know is how to approach the topic or even when I should bring it up. I'm presuming later on when we've gotten to know each other might be the best idea. I just don't know how I would even begin to bring it up. Anyone have any ideas?
Well I think It'd be best to tell them. This group is trying to help you, but if they don't know everything about you, it's not going to change anything. If that guy is from a religious background, maybe he'll understand the lgbt community better.
Therapy is meant to be a safe place. The therapist is there to make sure it stays a safe place for everyone involved. If you are all there for anxiety, shyness, and social connection issues, I'd say it's pretty likely that if the religious person has a problem with your sexuality, that's something they're going to have to work through as well. Group therapy doesn't work if someone is discriminatory to another person in the group.
^ Agreed! Come out - and this will provide something for the group to talk about and work through WITH you. That's the whole point! How to bring it up? I'm guessing the therapist leading the group asks all the time "Who would like to start?" or "Does anyone have something they'd like to talk about?" That's when you say "I do!" And you take it from there. Just put it out there. "One of the things that I think is affecting my self esteem and my confidence is my orientation. I'm gay and that also makes me feel very self conscious when I'm around people." Everything after that point will be easy!
Thanks for the responses everyone! Yeah I'm gonna have to come out :/ . It's such a scary thought and then there's the paranoia of what if they tell someone?! But I suppose the point of therapy is letting out all your emotions. I think I'll do what Jim said. I'll bring it up when the therapist asks us who would like to start. I'll keep everyone posted!
Hi there! Yes, therapy is about letting out your emotions and feelings. Coming out in a group setting, and as daunting as it might seem can actually provide for additional support. Coming out in front the group could potentially help you to feel more relaxed or calmer about your coming out journey. To make it easier on yourself, try not to see your coming out as a 'big' thing; rather, try to see it as something that you want to overcome, just as the others in the group are trying or want to overcome their major problems or issues they are dealing with/working on.
If it seems to daunting to come out to this group, perhaps you could get involved with an LGBT group of some type and come out there first. You may even be able to find a therapy group with similar goals to the one you are already in, but specifically geared toward LGBT people. As an additional note, I know several people who are deeply religious, Catholic in fact, and are staunch supporters of LGBT people and their rights. Religious does not mean anti-gay. Though I admit, that is the image I see in the media.
Thanks Mirko. As usual, you always give great advice! Cyanyst- I agree that religious people aren't always anti lgbt. However, in my experience, that has commonly been the case. As a result of these experiences, I am a bit wary of talking to anyone who is very religious about lgbt issues unless I have reason to believe that they are accepting. Unfortunately, I'm unable to go to the lgbt group at my college since it interferes with one of my classes. I plan on going next semester but for now, I need to work on my other issues. I think I just need to accept that this needs to be done and I have to come out. If there's anything I learned from therapy, is that I'm afraid of doing the things that in the long run, are beneficial to me and will help me overcome my fears. Thanks for the help Cyanyst!
I am sorry that you have had so many negative experiences with religious folks based on being LGBT. I often forget that people, including Catholics, are much more tolerant in San Francisco than in the rest of the country. I think that you are making the right move by having the courage to come out in your group. Who knows, you two may be able to learn from each other.
hello!...have you done it? from my limited experience, it's helpful sometimes for me just to say it. keeping it bottled up was getting too tiring honestly. thinking about it for me too much made it worse. i worry about the ramifications sometimes afterwards, but it was worth it. i have gotten some negative responses (as a fellow 20 year old, i get the "oh you're in college," "you're too young to know," "you're inexperienced," and "you're just trying to be different" remarks even more than the religious comments) but for 3 negative responses 1 positive feels so good =) also there is something nice about coming out to people who are not in your closest circles, especially as a starting point. coming out to someone closer is scarier sometimes, and this experience will give you some practice. as a fellow 20 year old and somewhat newb, i'm not super qualified to give advice but i thought i would share my experience anyways to know other people are here and accepting =)
