Hi all, So, I have a friend of whom I'd see everyday for university, and would frequently have study sessions with (almost on a daily basis). Now, today, being the first week back, he decided to abandon me for lunch with another friend of his, returning an hour later. Personally, I think it's the height of rudeness to abandon someone in their physical presence. What I would have done (which I've done before) is take the friend to lunch with another friend - good chance to intermingle and whatnot. I'm actually really disgusted by my friend's actions today. Am I justified in doing so, or am I merely being unreasonable?
Did your friend actually abandon you, meaning they just up-and-left, or did they tell you they were going to have lunch with their other friend before leaving? Personally, I interact with people much better if it is just me and them - having more than two can make things awkward quite easily. Especially so if the other people don't know each other and I am the only friend in common between them. If I was going to meet up with someone, I would prefer to do so by myself, but I would be courteous to the person I was originally with. Based on my perspective and what you've said here, I'd say you are probably being a little unreasonable. (Also gotta say this thread could've been about me as I just started uni again this week and had lunch with my friends for the first time, but I'm pretty sure I didn't abandon anyone beforehand ).
Well, no, we've been pretty close friends for a while. I was expecting we'd have lunch at the same time for everyday that we're together for uni. Upon announcing that he's leaving me for lunch, he asked whether I've got anyone else to have lunch with. I replied with 'no'. His subsequent response was a mere 'sorry'. Maybe I am being a little unreasonable, but I think it's the absolute height of rudeness in abandoning someone in their physical presence. It's not a nice feeling, no.
That does sound a bit rude of him. But still, he did ask whether you had someone else to go with, so he wasn't disregarding you. To me it sounds like he had prior plans and it wasn't really appropriate for him to show up with someone else. I may be playing devil's advocate, but I think you are a victim of circumstance rather than of intentional rudeness or disregard. Did he say anything about it afterwards, or did you confront him about it?
Well, no, we'd usually have lunch at 12pm (actually, we always do). He got a series of texts at around 10:30, then announced that he's leaving for lunch at 12 for someone else. I asked whether this'll happen every Thursday and he said yes. After his abandonment, I was fairly depressed and didn't say much. We took the train home together, but I continued being quiet as I was honestly annoyed. When I got home, he texted asking whether everything's okay. I've ignored it thinking that maybe I'm overreacting, or maybe it would be a better option talking to him in person than send an impersonal text.
get new friends problem solved i think its best not to take it to the heart or let it effect you too much, it also sounds like you know the answer to your own question which is "no i am being reasonable about ignoring him because he treated me like a toy he got bored of", its understandable, everyone gets like that, no one wants to be left behind, im still wondering why he didnt make an effort to introduce you to the other friend, strange really
If i was in your friends position id probably do the same things sorry, exspecially if it was someone i hadnt seen in a long time. This is mainly because i personly hate being a third wheel
Some people, like me, just prefer to keep their contacts separate for whatever reason. As I see it: -You hadn't made any formal plans to have lunch. -He apologised that he wouldn't be able to be with you for that hour after learning you had no one else. Note he had already made the other plans by this time. -When he noticed you seemed unhappy he took the initiative to text you and ask if you were alright. To me it sounds like he is being a pretty good friend under the circumstances. Yes, it sucks and no one likes being left alone like this, but it isn't worth holding a grudge when he is obviously trying to make things better. If I were in your shoes I'd text him back saying you'd discuss it with him tomorrow, just so he doesn't think you are ignoring him.
Funny thing is that I texted him with my concerns a moment ago. I've just received a text with him on the defensive. I'm really wondering whether I'm just his go-to friend when his other friends aren't around.
