My anxiety over my sexuality has evolved into being anxious about things such as parents dying and being alone when I'm older. My depression, if any, is largely active in the morning and throughout the day, however it tends to lift if I do exercise or otherwise pre-occupy myself. I've realised that I have become obsessive over the whole thing. My family know of my sexuality, and they are completely accepting, it's me with the acceptance issue - I can't accept myself. My mum reassures me by saying things like "You are who you are. Don't fight it. You'll always be my baby boy and I love you. You're so special." Such things do, in effect, comfort me a whole lot but...it's almost like a painkiller, it wears off and I begin to worry again. I worry about growing up, meeting a man and not being able to have children or a family. I'm worried that I'll be completely alone. It's getting ridiculous, obsessive to the point where I can't remember a part of the week I haven't been dwelling on it. Do I need help, or can I overcome this without medication/counselling? I really don't want to have to rely on therapy and anti-depressants. I hate being medicated...
Hi there! (*hug*) It is fantastic that your parents are accepting and that they are trying to reassure you that things will be fine and that they love you for who you are. Sure, there are things that you can not control but every thing you have mentioned, is within your control (more or less). You can take steps to ensuring that you won't be alone, and that you will find someone who is compatible with you and who shares some of your outlooks on life. Growing up presents its own challenges and hurdles, but you can make it easier on yourself or less daunting. Thinking too much about the same things, or dwelling on them over and over again, only feeds on your worries. Worries feed on worries. If I find that exercising and doing things that allow you to be occupied with your thoughts help, keep doing them. Try to get into a regular schedule of doing things that will allow you to keep busy, but also having fun. If you do the things that you enjoy, and realize that your life is on the right tracks, that will already help you to worry less about the future. I think it would be a good idea to talk to a counselor or a therapist about self-acceptance and the anxiety that you are experiencing. Often times, just talking and getting feedback and trying to deal with what's bothering you, can already help in moving forward, and changing your outlook. (*hug*)
Counseling helped me alot. I think you might benefit. That doesn't mean that you have to be on drugs or have therapy for your whole life. I saw a counselor for about six months. I may go back at some point. You have won a huge battle by having accepting parents. A lot of people don't even have that. You can have kids, adoption is always a option to those of us who can't have kids. And last but not least you will be able to find the love of your life and have a long and loving relationship into old age. It will get better, so think positive.
I never had to take counseling but if you think you need it you should take it. Also, have you tried getting with a guy? That might help you accept yourself. That's how I accepted being bisexual.
Medication and counseling are very different things. Medication works by changing the chemical balance in your brain; counseling works by teaching the client how to restructure their thoughts and actions in a more constructive way. I think counseling can be good for people in any difficult situation, but whether it's right for you is a personal decision.
I personally would go to a therapist. It doesn't mean you'll have to rely on one forever. That's the beauty of it really. You go and they help you with coping techniques. Length of time varies from case to case but honestly there are very few cases in which the patient would be in for the rest of their life. When you need some help in the future, after your original counseling is over, go back for a little while. That's just what I would do.
Lewnatic. I get the sense that you tend to focus on what is, or may, go wrong in your life. Try focusing on what is going well. I think of the brain as this thing that just processes thoughts into emotions, regardless of the thoughts. Throw in negative thoughts and language, get negative feelings. Throw in positive thoughts and language, get positive feelings. Mirko nailed it when he said that worry feeds on worry, it is a downward spiral. Fortunately, it is the same brain no matter what you throw in to it, so happiness spirals upward into greater happiness! You control your perspective on reality, why not make it enjoyable?
The thing about therapy is, it teaches you how to not rely on things to deal with your problems. You don't rely on therapy, you learn from it and learn to cope. I just started going to therapy myself and I can say, it has helped me a lot! Could the reason you "don't want to rely on" it have to do with a fear of going? It can be an overwhelming feeling the first time you go, but it gets a lot easier when you sit down with the person and realize that they are just a person talking to you about you and nothing more. I'm in a VERY similar mindset as you, I constantly feel like i'm missing spaces in time because I was so in my head worrying. I can say that after starting therapy, I have already started to feel better about things and worry less. I notice one thing they do that seems to help a lot is that when I talk about something I worry about, they ask me "What do you think will happen if your worries come true?" and the truth usually is for me "I don't know." Maybe try asking yourself questions like that. What do you think will happen to you if your worries come true? (Given these things are also paired with talking about good and bad memories that probably get me thinking about the subject before we get to that question). So for instance, I worry a lot about getting all my work done. When she asked me what I think will happen if I don't get my work done, I could have said that I would fail school, but I know that wasn't what was worrying me. There is no doubt in my mind that I won't finish school, so I just didn't really know what I was worrying about. I was kindof making up that worrying to avoid just doing the work. Since this happened, I'v been able to sit down and focus on my schoolwork for the first time in years. So yes, therapy IS really useful, and moreso when you're entirely truthful.
Just to echo everyone else, I can say that yes, therapy is very useful - I went a few years ago when I hit a crisis point in my life, and the only thing I regret about it is not doing it sooner! Also, if you're worried about medication, I had a similar concern. For a long time I didn't go because I was worried that they'd somehow force me to take something, and I wouldn't be myself, etc. The truth is much different - they won't force you to take or do anything, and if you tell them that you don't want to do that from the start, then they'll avoid it if at all possible. For that matter, a counselor/therapist can't prescribe you anything, they have to refer you to a psychiatrist for that. You can also look for counselors that prefer not to use medication as a matter of principle. Your parents are supportive, so you'll have money and the ability to go to a counselor - so why not give it a shot? What have you got to lose? (*hug*)
