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Terrified to tell family

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Aquilo, Mar 1, 2012.

  1. Aquilo

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    Hi, I'm hoping to come out to my parents soon, but I'm scared to do so. I'm not sure if Í'm looking for advise or just wanted to write down my thoughts.

    Until two year ago I've thought that I was straight. I sometimes found some guys more attractive than normal, but almost as long as I remember I've been in love with girls, so I didn't worry much about that. I also have had a girlfriend, although that didn't work out well. Then about two years ago I saw a guy in my university and I noticed that he was quite cute. Then I began to have doubts about being straight. I didn't really want to fall in love with guys, because I had to change my vision of the future (wife and kids) and because I was scared of the idea of telling people I'm gay/bi (It's not that I was homophobic)(Even now I feel ambivalent about that, because I feel sexuality is something personal, however if you don't tell people it's impossible to get a boyfriend).

    But then I fell in love with a very nice girl, so I 'forgot' about these feelings. Sadly it turned out that she didn't feel the same about me and that has hurt me a lot : (

    About a year ago I met another very cute guy and I immediatly fell in love with him. Since then I've begun to accept that I'm not straight, but likely bi. A few months ago I've told a few friends that I'm in love with a guy when we were talking and I didn't have trouble telling that. However I don't dare to tell other friends, because I fear my parents will hear about it and I really wish to tell them first.

    My mum seems quite tolerant about gays and has asked me a few times if I were gay (but then I didn't think I was gay) and although my father has made a few negative remarks about gays I think he would accept it. I love my parents and I really don't want to disappoint them (I have done so before with some unrelated things). This would also be one of the first times I would bring up a personal 'problem' to them (I'm not thinking, that me being bisexual, is a problem anymore, but I do find it a problem telling my parents).

    I'm now quite terrified to tell them. I visit them in the weekends and I have gone home a few times now planning to tell them, but I keep delaying it. Now I really really want to tell them this or next weekend just to get on with my life, but I really don't know how to bring up the subject. Only thinking about saying 'I wish to tell you something' makes me terrified and I really would like to avoid saying that or saying that I'm 'bi' (I don't like that word, nor gay, probably because the way homophobic people use it). It also really doesn't help that I'm very shy and have troubles to find the right words or just start a conversation.

    I don't know if I'm really looking for advise, but I'm already feeling better after writing this down. Thanks for reading : )
     
  2. TheAMan

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    If you feel comfortable in telling your parents then go for it. It sounds like they will be accepting of you. Good luck.
     
  3. csm123

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    Hi and wecome to ec

    It certainly sounds like your parents would accept you if you came out,which is a massive incentive if you are considering doing it.

    If you dont feel comfortable bringing it up and announcing it,have you considerd asking your mum what it is about you,that has made her ask you if you were gay a few times,she will most likely give a reason or two and then ask you again if you are gay.This time you could be prepered with a reply,this could even be something simple like "i dont think so but i certainly must be bi as i have same sex attractions" or "how did you know this before i did".I dont think this will come as a great shock to her,parents dont ask if your gay several times without knowing or strongly suspecting for some reason or another.

    My only advice when you tell them is to keep yourself calm and confident,keep it simple and dont make a big thing of it and then hopefully they wont make it into a big issue.Just remember that they may need a little time to become comfortable with this and it might be a good idea to avoid the subject of having a boyfriend until you feel they are ready to take another confession,but be prepared,have you got a boyfriend may be one of the first questions!

    Do you have any brothers/sisters that would be supportive and be there for you when you come out to your parents.

    Good luck and keep us updated or feel free to ask anything else.