Even though I have told a few people, it feels like I haven't. I came out as bisexual around three or two months ago. So two of my closet friends, who I sit with at lunch know. They never mention it, never. And I don't because I fear they feel awkward about it, even though they said it's fine, and that I'd be making them uncomfortable. Well one of them mentioned the girl I liked at the time once or twice, when we were alone, but that was still months ago. It almost seems as if they feel more awkward about it now then they did before. I guess I won't be telling them that I'm actually gay anytime soon. Another close friend who knows, well more like a brother to me, (he lives in Kansas so I talk to him through text) I told too. He said it was fine, he still loved me. I think I mentioned it once after that. He had mentioned it slighty, asking me a question. So I answered. Then I asked why or something. He responded something that seemed rude about lesbians, slutty stereotypes and such (not about me, about others) and I responded something in defending them. He said he was just kidding, but I could tell he wasn't. After then all of our conversations seem awkward, forced almost. I don't know what happened. The other people who know I'm not really friends with. I came out at one of those two closet friends birthday parties playing truth or dare, when someone asked who I liked. Two of them I honestly think don't give a shit (I used to be friends with one of them two years ago). The other hasn't said anything to my face about it, but let's just say she doesn't seem to cool about it with what she says to others. A few other people (including the girl I used to like) and her friend found out, I'm not sure if it was from that girl, or from an account on a website. It doesn't really matter. Anyways, they kind of make fun of me behind my back. So my point is, since I don't talk to these people about it, whether we're friends or not, and they don't even seem to acknowledge it, it seems almost like I never even came out. I want to tell other people, two specifically, but I keep cowarding out.
I am failing to see the problem. If nothing has changed since you came out, then isn't that a good thing?
Hi there! Like cyanyst, I'm not sure as to where the problem is. Given what you have said most of your friends seem to be cool with it. I think it would be more of a concern if your friends would constantly talk to you and ask questions about your sexual orientation. I'm wondering though, do you feel the need or would you like to talk more about your sexual orientation?
Yeah. I can understand how it can sometimes feel like you haven't come out to someone, but what did you expect or want to happen? If they are treating you the same as before but now have the knowledge that you are attracted to girls.. well, what more is there? If you want to talk about 'gay' stuff specifically then perhaps you could try joining an LGBT group or something. As nice as they are, most straight people can't hold a conversation on LGBT topics and we really shouldn't expect them to.
It's not that I want to talk about it a lot or anything, my thing is, well i didn't really include this, but they seem to be thinking of me differently, although not treating me differently. The way they act around me, I feel like they feel awkward about it, and I want to know if they do. I guess they're cool with it, but based on some things they have said recently, it seems that they're not very fond of gays.
This is more helpful. Be as specific as possible please. Real examples of what they are saying and how you respond will allow us to give you insight and advice.
I think I can understand the problem. I've felt like this at times too - coming out is all fine and good, and being accepted (at least at first) is great, but if they stop mentioning it, it's like it's gone away for them, whereas we still deal with it on a daily basis. I've started thinking about coming out as a continuous process - something that you do for the rest of your life. Not in a bad way, it actually becomes kind of exciting and reassuring and such after a while, but really, every time you meet someone new, or get a new job, or whatever, it's something you'll have to face. I say, if they're not bringing it up, then bring it up for them. It's possible that they might not even realize that it's still causing you stress. And if you keep bringing it up to them and they get uncomfortable, then maybe you need to find new friends (not necessarily leaving the ones you have, but at least finding someone whom you can talk to about this as often as you feel like you need to). Join a new club, look for a LGBT group, or so forth.
I totally understand. I'm barely out at all; two people for sure know and only one still talks to me. I'm sure several friends suspect it, and I'm doing less and less to hide it, but they still don't really know. Anyway, out of the two people that really know, one stopped talking to me (long story), and the other friend and I have just kind of drifted apart for other reasons. So yeah, it feels like I'm not out at all. It's a confusing feeling isn't it?...
I think I know what you mean... You came out to some of your freinds. They treat you the same way as before. Right? But you want to see that they acknowledge that you came out. You sometimes want to talk about it. You want them to show interest. Is that right? Because that'S how I felt when I first came out... I told my family and friends but the didn't say anything... It was like I didn't even say anything - but when I asked them if they accepted it they said yes... So, maybe you should ask them up front if they accept it and why they never really talk about it (so you can feel included)
I am kind of in the same boat as her. And yes I do wish they had some questions when I came out, it would have been easier to get used to talking about it openly. Instead it was "oh ok, thats fine" end of subject. But right now I still feel a "holy shit im about to talk about being gay to people I wonder what they think, will this be awkward?" moment (even though the friends im talking about already know) which has continuously shut me down and prevented me from broaching the subject much at all.
