Ever have one of those days?

Hey Mnstn,

You know what? Most, if not every person on these boards can relate to what you're going through right now. You've accepted who you are, but you've got no one to express yourself to.

Do your close friends know? Would they be accepting? For me, telling my best friend was one of the best ways I found to overcome the loneliness that comes with being in the closet. Just having a single person who you can tell makes a world of difference.

After telling my best friend, I eventually plucked up the courage to go to an underage gay dance party, where I got to interact with other people who were going through the exact same experiences as I was. I'm not saying you need to go out and make a ton of gay friends, since that takes a quite a lot of confidence, both in yourself and your sexuality, however, talking to other gay/bi/lesbians over the internet or on Discussion boards (like this one) is, as I'm sure you've found, somewhat comforting.

In regards to your mother, how do you believe she will react? A lot of parents do believe its just a phase, but they're usually disproven when you bring home a partner

There are multiple ways of coming out to your parents, I encourage you to read the number of posts relating to parents if you having done so already. But keep in mind, that just because you're mum knows about your sexuality, doesn't mean you have to discuss it in great detail with her straight away. Sure, at first there'll be a bit of awkwardness, but if she accepts you then that awkwardness generally subsides.

Remember that you're not alone. There are heaps of us, just like you. It just usually takes a little longer to find us

Goodluck with your mother; I'm interested in what you decide to do

Dave

 

That's great that you're out to your best friend

I really encourage you to start talking to her more about your sexuality. Ease into it, by just mentioning a few details here and there, until both of you are more comfortable talking about it. Aside from giving me a sense of acceptance, talking to my best friend about my sexuality also brought us closer together, as it was something (at the time) only we shared.

If you know your mother will accept you, but you're still not sure if you have the courage to tell her face to face, remember that there are more ways of letting her know.

One is to write her a letter. I really like this idea, because it means you can get everyone you want to say out, and proof read it etc, to minimise little mistakes. Obviously, it's a little less personal than coming out face to face, but it's a scary process, and a letter can be just as effective.

 

Hello! Ding,Ding,Ding! Green Flag! Once you pose that question, your mom's not dumb....she knows you asked that question for a reason. She obviously is gay-friendly. I mean it's one thing to say it but another to vote for gay marriage, espicially in Kansas where up until recently it was a hands down no issue.

 

For me it was easier to speak in detail about being gay to close friends; it made the topic more comfortable for me and it made me accept myself and feel that I am accepted by others. Through that I was able to bring up the topic with my mom.

When you think you're ready, I think a letter is good too. If the reason that a letter appeals to you is that you don't want to have that conversation, your letter should be very detailed and thorough. Your mother will have questions, and if she doesn't find written answers, you should be ready to give them in person.

 

Yea i have those days all of the time i wish there were people who could but were i live i dont have ne body to rely on and not snitch and then the news get around i wish i could of been some help sorry

 

Being in the closet sucks, doesn't it?

Well your mum will be accepting, perhaps she'll be someone you can talk to and express yourself to? Then you won't feel so alone. If she thinks it's a phase, well, don't worry, so does my mum but I'm sure that will end eventually. It's one of those things where only time will tell.

 

Good luck with coming out to your Mum. Despite being out to several people now, I still feel like you. I have nobody in real life who I can talk to about these things. My best friend seems to just think it's a non-issue. That's good in a way, because it hasn't changed how she feels about me, but I feel like she wishes it would never come up and she doesn't want to understand all the stuff I'm going through.

On the other hand, my brother is coming home for the holiday soon and I hope I might speak to him about it. Plus, I just came out to a friend who said she was questioning too. So that could be a great avenue for discussion. A few weeks ago I couldn't have guessed that. So my point is, if you stick it out bravely a while and come out to a few choice people, eventually someone will turn up who you might be able to talk to. Good luck

 

I think that as has been said, a lot of people on here - if not all - can relate to your situation. I know that I have at times felt so completely alone with absolutely no one to talk to about things that it all seems completely overwhelming. But I have found that the more I come out, the more people I find that I can talk to. And whilst not everyone you come out to will turn out to be people you can discuss things with, and who understand your predicament, the more people you come out to, the more likely you are to find people who make you feel less alone.

It is sad, it is hard, it is difficult, but the only way to get rid of the loneliness is to come out. The closet is a horrid, horrid, place, but the only way to get out is to come out; the only way to happiness and peace of mind is to break down the walls yourself.

It is a sad and difficult thing, when you need the support of friends and family to do the one thing which would enable you to get this support. To come out needs support; yet without coming out, you have no support. It is this dilemma, this catch-22, that has forced some of my coming-outs: it is just too lonely and dark in there, and the need for face-to-face discussion, the physical comfort a friend can give, or a comforting touch, a hug, or a squeezed hand, have forced my hand, and made me make several leaps of faith. So before you are out to more people, even those people who would like to help you and understand you will not be able to. It involves making leaps of faith by yourself, but if you get people to talk to, then it is all worth it. The thing is, people do not reach into the closet, you have to come out of it: therefore I recomment that, if you can, you come out to your mum and to more friends. Difficult, but it is the only way to dispel the loneliness.

I hope this helps, and I hope you feel less alone

 

Getting over that obstacle is hard. I've told 3 of my friends and its taken me a while to even get to the point where I don't mind talking about girls with them. I still don't do it very often as I feel like its not something they really want to hear about, but then again I guess the reverse would apply using that logic.

Talking to my parents is even worse, they just want to deal in the hypothetical realm and we never actually discuss the kind of girl I would be interested in which is probably a big reason why they don't understand how I can like girls. I wrote them a long letter explaining this to them, which I thought did some good, but my dad came back with, I think may girls feel this way at some point (having crushes on other girls). I told him it wasn't like that (merely girl crushes) and we left it at that.

You're not the only one though. The closet is a lonely place, and unfortunately at your age is a really tough place to be. Keep coming to EC to vent, it does help even though we'd all rather talk to another person face to face.