I am so lost, I don't know what to do. I suppose I should fill you in so you aren't confused. On Monday I asked out a girl I had had a crush on for a very long time. Whenever I'm with her it just feels right. On that same day I came out of the closet to everyone at school. Okay, all fine and dandy. I was happy, so happy for a couple of days afterward. Then Wednesday came. I was about to slip into bed when my Mom stops me and asks: "Are you and M (my girlfriend) going out?" I stopped cold, spun on my heel, cracked a smile and asked: "What makes you think that?" She paused, then responded: "Your smile for one, the fact you were very happy on Monday. I'm sorry but that is just not you right now. (It's true, but I finally broke free of my depression I think!) Also the fact that you asked if she could come over two days in a row and you never want to hang out with people." (Also true unfortunately.) I started giggling, I couldn't help it. Maybe because I was exhausted, I don't know. I laughed and said: "Fine, fine, we are going out. Yep M and I are going out." As soon as the words were out of my mouth I wanted to stuff them back in and run into my bedroom to fall asleep and pretend that it didn't happen. I don't remember what happened, but she said she wasn't mad at me, or dissapointed, and she said that she still loves me. But she had called my Aunt and went outside to "smoke" (really talk to my Aunt) about me before she told me that. Now I can't talk to her without being nervous. Same with M really. I even considered breaking up with M and going Straight again. Why? Because I really wasn't ready to come out to my family yet for fear that it would screw up things with my family! I'm so scared and nervous I don't know what to do! I tell myself it's stupid and my anxiety (I always think I have to be perfect for my family) but it makes me feel I've let them down to like girls and be going out with one. Please, please help. I'm so confused and upset and nervous... :tears: :bang: :help:
1. You are happy with her, that's all that should matter. 2. I don't know how old you are not that it matters, but what your parents think shouldn't matter. All that should is that they love you. 3. Do not break up with M, if you are happy stay there. If she helped you break out of your depression, that's wonderful. And if you hang out with her when before you wouldn't hang out with anyone, that's something powerful. Stay out, she didn't kick you out. It will take time, but I promise you your family will slowly accept it completely (or at least fairly close to complete) and just enjoy being with M. Whether it lasts for another day, ten days, ten months, ten years, or the rest of your life. Live for the now.
I know the feeling of having to be perfect, but don't give in to it. It's only going to make you unhappy. If your family love you, then they won't care. And even if they do care, you've got M, and if she makes you happy, breaking up with her is the last thing you should do, especially since you said you've been breaking out of your depression. Breaking up with someone that makes you happy could result in a relapse, and make you all depressed again. Your family wouldn't want to see that happen, now would they? Good luck (*hug*)
I think no matter where you decide to be in life, your family whether they show it in conventional ways or not, love and care for you, and only ever want for what makes *you* happy, that's all parents want for their children, they're happy and content if they see their kids comfortable and happy with who they are/what they do in life. Trust me, just sit back and don't over think things, you'll work yourself up into unnecessary knots - take your friends and families questions as they come and try not to be on the defensive when questions and issues do arise - you don't have to journey alone in this, they will always be there for you. And this girl that makes you so happy? Hold onto her!! xo
