I'm part of a high school boys' small group at my church and we meet once a week. I constantly feel pressured because all of them are straight and make derogatory comments towards gays. Last week, one of them started talking to me and the subject turned to personal stuff, such as why I'm so shy and mysterious around them. I told him I can't tell him because it's a hard thing for me to talk about, and he said that If I decided to tell him that my secret would be safe with him. What do you guys think? I'm really scared to tell him i'm gay because i've only ever come out to one person, and it was a female family member, so this is a completely different situation. I'm worried that he will hate me if I tell him. I just have no idea what to do.
Well it sound like he knows something is going on, otherwise he wouldn't start about it. He told you he can keep a secret, so he's thereby letting you know you can trust him and tell him. Now, of course, the thought of you being gay might not even have crossed his mind, so before telling him I suggest you try to find out what his views on the subject are. From what you've said it's pretty hard to say anything about that. Have you ever heard him make such derogatory comments? If so, is he the one that initiates them or is he always the one that follows someone else's lead? If you're not sure, try to find out. Once you know his views are not the same as the others', you can think about telling him if you want to.
well while I don't know how much acceptance you'll get from someone in a church group, if you're ready to start coming out, i would become friends with him first and find out his real intentions before you tell him, but if you come to trust him, than having another friend to help you on journey is always a good thing, best of luck
It's possible that he's fishing for information, I wouldn't really bother with his questions. But don't tell him just because he may be suspecting, he only has a guess and will never be able to confirm anything. Tell people because you're ready to, not because they think you may be gay. If he starts pressing, you could say that there's nothing wrong with being quiet and mysterious, it's just who you are. Or you could just ignore him.
Has this person made negative comments about gay people? If so, I would avoid telling him. How well do you know this guy and how much do you trust him?
Just because he told you he can keep a secret in no way means you have to tell him, exspecially when his beliefs go against it. if you really have to come out and tell someone do you have another close friend that you know will be supportive (maybe they already know someone thats gay?). I believe the first people you tell about your sexuality have alot of power to either push you down or help you up.
In my own personal experience, unless hes a close friend of yours, he most likely will not keep his promise.
Excellent question... ---------- Post added 3rd Mar 2012 at 11:41 AM ---------- My view is this: Even if he keeps it a secret (which he may not), beings that you are in a chruch group together, he may get awfully preachy and try to "convert" you. This will just make you feel worse about who you are. I wouldn't say anything to him unless you are really close friends. Even still, it's risky W/ respect to Cascade's comment... I definitely w/ what he said. You can always just say being shy and mysterious is who you are... and that there is nothing wrong with that.
I always find it funny when people say that they can keep a secret, without actually knowing that the secret is.
If you don't want to secret to turn into a "not-so-secret" then, you better not tell him. NO ONE. trust me NO ONE can keep a secret, except your family.
