I assume I already know what the answer to this question is, but I'll ask anyway... since I have nothing better to do right now. So, my family used to be pretty well off, and honestly, life was perfect... couldn't have asked for a better childhood... but in the last couple years, everything has fallen apart, and I've had no way to do anything about it. Last Summer, we lost our house, and would have been homeless, if my grandma hadn't died, and left us her house. (Though, I honestly would rather still have her.) Unfortunately, she lived in redneck central... and after living here for for around 8 months, I'm literally starting to lose my mind. I'm honestly beyond lonely, and would do anything to move somewhere a little more accepting, where I might have even the slightest chance of finding some accepting friends, or a boyfriend. I've also lost the ability to get new games/watch TV, thanks to the government shutting down megaupload, forcing other sites to remove copyrighted content, and both of my computers breaking down, with no way to fix them. (And obviously, I have no money to buy anything.) I'm too depressed now to even get out of bed, much less get a job, apply for college, or doing anything worthwhile... even though I know in the long run, those things will help me... I just can't handle them right now. (Having ADHD doesn't help either, because I can't concentrate on the application essays to begin with, even when I don't have all this other stuff going on... and I also have Asperger's, which makes dealing with people very difficult. Thus why I don't have a job yet.) A couple weeks ago, I had a complete break down, and cried for the first time in nearly a decade... and have been noticeably more emotional since then. Even cute things push me to the verge of crying. Even if I do manage to finish my college application, (I'm applying for Digipen, to study game design/programming. I've made games in the past, and love doing it. I definitely have a natural talent for it. Unfortunately, they require five 1000 word essays.) and get accepted, I'll still have to wait another half a year to get there, and who knows if I'll be able to afford it (There's no way in hell that I'm going apply for scholarships too.) I will not make it, if I have to wait that long. Is there ANYTHING I can do to get out of here? I've talked to my parents about it on several occasions, and they say there's nothing they can do about it. I have honestly thought about suicide quite a few times, even though I'm sure I wouldn't have to balls to actually do it. Also, I should mention that I really don't trust Psychiatrists, as I've had bad experiences with them in the past... and I don't see how they could help me if no one else can. I'm not going to take medication, and I already know exactly what I need to get over this... and paying someone to let me talk to them is not it. I just need to leave home. I need to find somewhere that I can actually make friends, and have a purpose of some kind. I mean, I'm not even living anymore. I'm just waiting... and I'm sick of it. Honestly, I could keep going, but I'm gonna stop here, because writing this is making me even more depressed than I was when I started. (I definitely do not have depression btw. I used to be the happiest, most carefree person ever, and it took a LONG time for this to even start bothering me.)
Sounds to me the only thing holding you back is yourself...No offense, but I'm just beiing blunt. From I'm seeing, you''re treating your ADHD and Asperger's like disability. I may not have Asperger's, but I am ADHD, and I'm doing just fine. It helps if there is someone giving you a push. It also me if I've got my music to listen. I know someone who has Asperger's, and she's store manager for one of my favorite stores. You can either let these things stop you, or you can conquer, and use them to your advantage. There is something you can do. Force yourself to fill out those job applications, and you'll soon see it will make you feel better. Keep at it, and then you can start saving enough money to find a place of your own. As for college, there are scholarships for people with ADHD, even Asperger's (you really want to take advantage of those). I'll tell you what my grandma told me when I was in your shoes..."Take it one day at a time. Nothing will fall into place overnight. You have to go out and do something about it. So go out, fill out those applications, fill out your essays, and do not be afraid to ask for help fro your parents(they should be able to help). DO something, don't just sit at home, wait for something that will never happen, and feel sorry for yourself. Get out and be PROACTIVE! It's what I did. I might be blunt, but I know exactly what you feel, because not too long ago I was going through this myself. It was actually my uncle who gave me the courage to do what I needed to do to proactive with my life. I got tired of being used and abused by him, so I packed up and left. Now I'm here in California, and I've got a job interview on Monday with Well's Fargo; and I tell you, I've looked for a damn job for 2 1/2 years, but wasn't positive about them, so I never got a job interview. But once I came to Cali, I felt a lot better, and I did what I did. If I can do it, so can you. You have to belive in yourself, and not wait for something to happen, cause trust me, Life will not hand you your dreams, instead Life will make you work for it, not matter what kind of lemons Life gives you. Sorry if this offends you, but I'm just being blunt.
Well, honestly I've told several of my friends the same thing you just told me. In fact, I've told myself the same thing several times... it's just not that easy. =/ I used to feel the same way about having ADHD. I would do anything in my power to make sure that it wasn't holding me back, and I always came out on top, because I treated it like it wasn't even there, and I had to push through it regardless... until I had to do my senior project. It was impossible. 100% completely and utterly impossible. I spent the whole year working on it, and then the whole summer working on it in summer school, and I still didn't finish it. They eventually just pitied me so much that they let me graduate anyway... but I had already missed my chance to go to college because of it, and it's basically the main reason I'm in still in this situation. The fact of the matter is that it IS a disability, and if I had realized it sooner, I could have talked to my doctor, and used it as an excuse to get out of doing the project earlier... thus avoiding this whole thing. I just wish I had realized that back then, rather than being so stubborn, and thinking that I could force myself to do things. I knew that was the answer I was going to get though... I'll just have to keep trying to work on them, I guess. I should mention that the ADHD and Asperger's are fairly minor things right now, compared to the rest of it. Granted, it's the reason I'm in this mess to begin with, but it's a fairly small part of what's holding me back at this point.
