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advice on first trip to gay bars!?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by confusedbeaa, Mar 4, 2012.

  1. confusedbeaa

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    I am beginning to come to terms with my sexuality, but have no bi/lesbian friends for support. Although I don't think I'm ready for a relationship with another woman (as this just plain scares me) I could do with meeting some people going through the same thing.
    I have been advised by friends that I need to take the first step and go to a local lgbt meeting or gay bar, and that doing so will help me feel more at ease with myself and normal, especially if I meet other people who don't appear stereotypically 'lesbian'.
    I know this makes sense as I can't keep going over and over things in my head to find answers and need to make the next step or else nothing will be resolved.
    Does anyone have any positive personal experiences about their first trips to these sorts of groups/bars? A gay friend of mine who is also new to all this has suggested we go together, but I'm just soo nervous about this! so some encouraging words might help :slight_smile: Thankyou!!
     
  2. greeneyes

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    i'm in the same situation! excited to hear advice on this =) (sorry that wasn't so helpful haha)
     
  3. confusedbeaa

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    we are the same age aswell!! if only we lived in the same place we could've gone together! daunting isn't it..
     
  4. i need help

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    to be honest with you, then first time i went i freak the heck out. i had a couple of straight friends that made me go and i was a mess. But as soon as i loosened up and realized that, hey its ok, everyone here is either gay or supportive of a friend or a family member. so go, be your self, and have a wonderful time.
     
  5. confusedbeaa

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    i think i just imagine it to be very sexually orientated like everyone there for sex, whereas what i really want is to find a support network, that's the thing that scares me really, i don't think i'd feel comfortable with people coming on to me just yet, i don't know!
     
  6. i need help

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    well i guess i didnt specify i went to a bar. i didnt see anyone hitting on anyone to hard it just seemed like a very casual place, other than the drag show :slight_smile: but it was a lot of fun. i have never been to a lbgt group anything. but i dont think it would be a meat market so to say.
     
  7. greeneyes

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    you can also just say you're not interested in going out/hooking up/dating anyone right now and you just want to have a good time! i think it would be great to go since you have a friend going - worst scenario is you just sit around with your friends and have a normal bar experience or someone hits on you and makes you uncomfortable, you turn them down, and now have one more experience on your belt!
     
  8. hey.
    urm a few years ago now i went to a lgbt group (wasnt a bar) so it was more like a hangout thingy, it was good dont get me wrong but i was intimidated by everyone. altho they were lovely people i was a bit scared about how open and out everyone was seen as i was an out 'newbie'.... but then in time im just like those people now haha.

    never been to a bar/club but i want too im just a bit shy.
    im not stereotypically 'lesbian' but i know an awful lot who are more masculine than me.
    its good to go with a friend to whatever you decide to go too as you wont be alone! :slight_smile:

    (sorry for the essay :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)
     
  9. Christiaan

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    Alright...

    Nothing happens before 10 p.m.. The people who are there early are usually fairly friendly, and they are usually working-class blokes who have jobs they have to keep a good sleep schedule for. Usually, they're not there to party, just to have a few drinks with some old friends and discuss what happened all day or all week. If you can get a conversation started with them, they're worth talking to.

    If you don't want to get laid, mugged or stoned, I suggest leaving before 3 a.m., maybe as early as 2, depending on how the local scene is. That's about when everybody is either hooked-up already, too drunk/stoned to know what they are doing, crazy, or, like you, wise enough to know better and GONE HOME.

    Find out if the bar/club has a website. Most of the better establishments have events for every day of the week, and some of them can be extremely fun. Different KINDS of people go to each event. That's part of why they have events, actually: it makes sure that, if there is a certain kind of content you find annoying or offensive or boring, you don't have to be there when they are doing it. Beware of "underwear parties."

    However, I'm sure that every area and every establishment is going to have unique stuff about it. I can only talk from my own experience.
     
    #9 Christiaan, Mar 4, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2012