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I can't really figure out what I am

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by YIAW, Mar 5, 2012.

  1. YIAW

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    I kinda always thought I was gay and avoided it, I used to only allow myself to think about men and panic whenever one of those other thoughts crept in.

    Then I gradually became strong enough to face it, and for a while it was amazing, finally looking at women and daydreaming about them. I thought I found my answer.

    But then I found myself thinking about men again, and giving myself guilt trips about these thoughts the same way I used to do about girls. I never thought I was bisexual because I had so many crushes on girls and never cared about guys, but now I reached the point where I don't even know anymore if I'm physically attracted to girls. Men are nice, but also gross (sorry!) compared to women and I don't know if I'm interested in them romantically, but they do make my panties drop, so to speak.

    And women are beautiful and amazing and they give me butterflies and I want to cuddle them and kiss them like crazy, and also make love to them, yes! And they are hot, but not in the same way. I can't think about them like sex objects, more like something I want to worship. I'm thinking I might be something between bisexual and heterosexual/homoromantic, if that makes sense.

    Then some days I wake up and think duh! I'm obviously gay, and some days I wake up thinking what if I'm straight as an arrow and just hero worshipping women. I'm driving myself crazy over it.

    And all of this is hypothetical, because when I'm around people I always pretend I'm someone else and I become so awkward, and basically I've never been with someone, I wouldn't even know where to start. So I guess I can't really figure things out until I experiment around, but I can't bring myself to do it.
     
  2. greeneyes

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    hello! welcome to EC!

    I felt EXACTLY THE SAME WAY for my entire last year. Pretty much everything you said - panic with men, girl daydreaming, questions about romance versus physical attraction, gay versus bisexual, etc.

    I decided that, for the time being, I don't want to label myself. If anyone asked, I would identify as bisexual, but I would also say that I really don't know. That's scary, but it's what I feel.

    I also have relatively little experience dating and otherwise, so I am just going with the flow and trying to figure it out. If you like someone, regardless of gender, go for it. And if you get closer you can let them know that you're trying to figure out your sexuality, and if they respect you they'll respect that.

    I started with talking about this with a couple friends and felt like that was a good place to start.
     
  3. YIAW

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    Thank you! This is the first time someone says to me they're experiencing the same thing. I'm a bit happy :slight_smile:
    I think I'll probably do that too, but it feels so weird, I've never thought of myself as bisexual before. I'm so tired of feeling guilty about everything though, so I'll give it a try.
     
  4. Sayu

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    This is exactly the feeling I have! :frowning2: And I wanna freakin' know now! :frowning2:
     
  5. Valeyard

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    When I first faced my feelings for guys, I second guessed everything I felt about girls. I looked at how I interacted with them, constantly second guessing whether or not my attraction was at all sexual. I woke up some days not interested in girls at all, and others where I was dying to see more of my girlfriend's body. I drove myself crazy, and back again. It actually was easier to label myself as bisexual, because it meant that I didn't have to second guess myself. I just accepted that I would wake up some mornings less physically interested in my girlfriend, and feel differently the next day.
     
  6. greeneyes

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    Ditto =) take it one day at a time.
     
  7. climbingivy

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    Oh man! I was so happy to read this. I'm in pretty much exactly the same boat. Sorry I don't have answers. For me one of the hardest parts of this process has been learning to accept uncertainty.
     
  8. greeneyes

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    I'm glad (and I'm glad that there are a lot of people who have felt this way!...though glad may not be the right word haha).

    I should say though that this was my experience. The bisexual label currently works for me - it may not work for me later, it may not work for you. I would give a try letting go of labels though - "what's in a name" anyway?! Leave the guilt.

    "If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things." - Rene Descartes
     
  9. YIAW

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    Thank you, everyone. My goal right now is to try and enjoy whatever life throws at me.
    The label is important because *normal* people are going to judge you based on that, right? But I want to stop giving it so much importance in my mind, at least.
    Is it possible, though? Are there people feeling gay one day and not the other? It seems crazy.

    Thank you again, you guys are all so sweet :kiss:
     
  10. WeirdnessMagnet

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    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Re labels and (allegedly) "normal" people. Well, you aren't on trial, you did no wrong, so why does anyone have any right to "judge" your sexuality? Labels are there more as a convenient shortcut, so you don't have to go on a half-hour lecture explaining how exactly you feel about same-sex attraction every time the topic comes up, (including in your mind.)

    Yes, plenty. If someone says they're bi, chances are this is exactly what they experience, to at least some degree. For me, it sort of evened out once I stopped actively suppressing it, but it didn't really went away.

    Is it crazy? Maybe. For me it also feels right, as I always thought it must really be.

    P.S. Must. Not. Make. That. Ovaltine. Ad. Joke. Must. Not. Because I woke up disgustingly straight today.
     
  11. YIAW

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    I wanted to thank everyone who took the time to aswer in this thread, it was wonderful to find out that I'm not the only one in this, and a little weird. I feel like I just entered Queer Hogwarts and got sorted in the Bisexual house :lol:
    Jokes aside, I will try to call myself bi from now on, and see how that works. I feel like I'm coming out to myself all over again, and it gets exhilarating one moment and terrifying the next. I'm glad I can come here when I'm feeling down instead of locking myself somewhere to cry under a blanket.
    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)