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Should I stay in the closet?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BrittanaKliss, Mar 5, 2012.

  1. BrittanaKliss

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    Hi, I'm new to this site, as well as new to being out to four of my closest friends.. I have one huge question I really want answered that none of my friends can answer for me: How do I come out to my parents and extended family?*

    Here's the complicated part: every member of my family is an extreemly strict christian. (All of my friends that know I'm gay are atheists.) I am also a christian though, but believe in many different things I'm apparently not supposed to believe in. My extended family is just as close to me as my parents and brother are because we all live in the same town and go to the same church four days a week. (Yes, I know that is hard to believe, but I do go to church on Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays.) If I tell my parents that I'm a lesbian, the rest of my family will automatically know. That means the whole church will eventually know, which means about 2,000 people who are important to me will hate me for something I cannot control.*
    I am not saying I hate being attracted to girls; I hate the fact that being homosexual is a major sin in the eyes of everyone I really care about.
    So, I know I'm asking for something impossible here, but everyone is always asking me, "Who are you crushing on?" and "When are you *finally getting a boyfriend?" -I really want to say something to them, but it would probably just make everyone miserable.. What do I do? Should I just stay in the closet for as long as possible?
     
  2. TheAMan

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    Hey welcome EC! Here's my advice for you. If you are uncomfortable with coming out then you can stay in the closet as long as you need to. Remember, once you come out, there's no going back so make sure you are 100% confident in yourself. So if you think because of your family's religious beliefs, they won't accept you, then keep it a secret. Now I also suggest that you tell someone close to you that you trust and maybe they can help yopu out as well.
     
  3. BrittanaKliss

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    Thanks, I really do wish that I was actually allowed to come out to them, but the next best thing is always having at least one person to talk to about it. I have told four people so far, but only one girl will talk to me about it without giving it a second thought. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Carpe Diem

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    From your post, you are clearing leaning towards not telling your family.

    I think you shouldn't tell them in your best interest. You are still a teenager and therefore, are financially and emotionally dependent on your family. I don't think it would be wise to come out since you indicated that outing yourself will direct a lot of hate towards you.

    You have friends whom you can talk to about your situation, which is really great. At least you're not completely in the closet which is quite a torturing experience (for me, at one point).

    As TheAMan said, you can't turn back the clock if the outcome isn't pleasant. So don't come out ... yet.
     
  5. BrittanaKliss

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    Yeah, I am definitely not coming out to them anytime soon, but I just don't know if I could ever tell them in the future. I really don't want to end up moving across the country to New York, getting married to my future girlfriend, and starting a family with everyone thinking I just disappeared one day.
     
  6. Carpe Diem

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    You are worrying about the distant future. Learn to compartmentalise your worries. Futuristic worries should be stored away for when the time comes.

    Now you should focus on your studies and not to slip out any major hints that you are who you are to the people whom you absolutely do not want to tell.

    I had (still have it in fact) the same worries. This was how I dealt with it. Studied hard. Got a full scholarship to study somewhere really far away from where I lived. Outed myself at the new place. Planning to complete my studies with honours and secure a decent job. Then, I will tell them in person. By then, at the very least, I have financial security and I don't have to worry if they kick me out of the house.
     
  7. BrittanaKliss

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    I guess I am too worried about the future, (but isn't that what everyone is trained to think about in high school?) Do you have any ideas on what I should tell them when they ask me who I want to ask out, or other heterosexualist things?
     
  8. Carpe Diem

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    Hmm... I dodged the bullet because I was 'straight' in high school. I used to date girls because I was in denial.

    I normally laughed/joked about it when they asked me questions that you have in mind.

    If you don't feel comfortable joking about it, then you can just say that you're not ready for a committed relationship or you're currently focusing on your studies/something when your parents ask you about having a date. Don't say you haven't found the right guy. You'll end up being paired up with someone (I know from first hand experience).

    Those were the reasons I used when I was transitioning from 'straight' to gay after high school.
     
    #8 Carpe Diem, Mar 5, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2012
  9. BrittanaKliss

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    Well, I guess I can say I'm too busy with school & cheerleading or something, because I can't imagine pretending to be straight and having a boyfriend just to be accepted. I just can't lie like that; I know that I'm only 15, but I'm 100% sure of who I am.
     
  10. TruffleDude

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    The bible is a not clear about lesbians. Keep in mind many of these texts have been translated and re-interpreted many times over thousands of years. There are bound to be some errors. One such error has to do with the translation of a word thought to mean homosexual, however the Greek word used is different from the word for homosexual, as it was thought of back then. The word in the bible had something to do with "temple prostitution".

    That being said. You are young, and reliant on your parents. It seems like a lot of bad could come out of you telling your parents that you are gay. You are the only one who can make this decision for yourself. Make sure to weigh the benefits with the consequences. Don't make this decision rashly.

    There are a million and one reasons not to be in a relationship, regardless of orientation. Too much of a pain in the ass, busy with work/school/sports, just want to be single and enjoy friendships, and since you are from a religious family, you can always say you do not want to be tempted since you wish to remain chaste until marriage!

    When prom rolls around just get the flu, or go with a gay boy, and tell everyone you are madly in love with each other.

    I am so sorry that it has to be this way for you. You have made a lot of progress in accepting yourself, hang in there and before you know it you will be able to live as out as you want.

    [YOUTUBE]o_D5Oa5n1nY[/YOUTUBE]
     
    #10 TruffleDude, Mar 5, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2012
  11. BrittanaKliss

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    Wow, I really never knew that; I have always been taught that being gay was as bad as any one of the ten commandments.. Thank you so much for showing me that video, seriously. You don't even know how good I feel about this. Again, thank you. :grin:
     
  12. Deaf Not Blind

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  13. Eww

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    Something no one else has mentioned: when you fall in love, and you will, what will you do then?
     
  14. ThatCoopKid

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    I personally believe that you should. If coming out is just going to have nearly everyone (and I say nearly because there are likely to be a few people who will either be accepting or come around) look down on you and despise you, then keep it to yourself. When you move out on your own and get a job somewhere else, you can be as open as you want. It's what I'm planning on doing until I graduate college.