So. I recently became friends with a girl I work with. We get along GREAT. Like, I don't remember the last time I enjoyed myself so much with someone. We're almost the exact same and it's just so awesome. The problem is, I think I'm giving her the wrong ideas. I'm not "out" at work - my work situation is complicated. I'm not really keeping it a secret but nobody really knows (it's not really anybodys business at my job anyway). I feel like I'm giving her the hey-I-like-you-let's-date vibe which is totally not what I'm going for. This has happened to me before on numerous occasions - there's about three girls I know at the moment who have a crush on me. I let them all sort of "fizzle out" if you will, and I don't really talk to them anymore. One girl who had a crush on me eventually became my best friend all because I dragged her along and she thought we'd end up dating. ANYWAYS: Tomorrow, I'm hanging out with her and two other friends from work - and she's really digging the idea of hanging out with me. I honestly think she might have a thing for me. Everybody I work with thinks we should date and it's just awkward. So how do I deal with my fear of losing a friend without telling her straight up that I'm gay and that I'm not looking? THANKS SO MUCH!
If you and her REALLY get each other, why don't you take her aside personally, and tell her you are gay, asking that she keeps it to yourself? That way she'd understand, and work wouldn't be awkward.
I guess I'm just not ready to actually say the words "I'm gay" to her, or anybody at work for that matter. I mean, I think of her as a friend before a co-worker but it's still a weird situation. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I feel like the longer I drag it on the harder it'll hit her. I'm just afraid she'll make a move on me and I won't know what to do.
Here is my personal experience in dealing this situation: About 1 year ago, when I was already out, I was in the same situation except we weren't co-workers. We happened to know each other through a friend. We were pretty close too, went to the city together a couple of times (with other friends, sometimes just the two of us). During one of those 'dates', I casually asked her what she thinks of stranger A passing by us. I started complimenting stranger A's look and outfit and that's when she understood that I was gay. She asked me. I said "took you long to figure it out" with a smile. She said "Awesome!". We hugged. We're still friends. Nothing changed except for the fact that she started talking a lot about guys when she's with me (eg: stranger A: Hot or not?). I guess it really depends on the situation and how you word it. Turn it into a funny situation or a matter-of-factly situation, whichever suits you most.
