Okay so this will be really long, just a fair warning. I ended a relationship a year ago, she broke up with me after cheating on me a couple days prior. It really messed me up and I am still dealing with some of the trust issues. This relationship was also my first and only relationship and we were together for 3 years. Instead of a "clean break" we kept talking (where she decided sharing what her and her new boyfriend did in bed was appropriate) and that ended up being really bad for me as well. 4 or 5 months ago I did what I should have done wayy before and stopped communication, explaining to her that I needed to do what was good for me and that meant no facebook friends and no texting or calling. I'm working on making friends and building some semblance of a support system. I think I can comfortably say I am over my ex, we still have our issues and there will always be a part of me who loves her but I have no interest in a relationship. What I am not over is how bad she hurt me and the issues that still exist as a result of the cheating and the overall nature of the relationship. I want to try to make friends, maybe even try going out on little dates but I'm scared out of my mind, scared of getting hurt basically. A few friends are trying to help me "get out there" and actually start meeting people and part of me wants to but a larger part of me just wants to be left alone. So this is where I ask for advice, should I listen to the part of me that is ruled by my fear of rejection and getting hurt, and my trust issues, or should I listen to the part of me that knows I will eventually have to start learning how to make friends and how to meet girls and such. Thanks in advance
You already know the answer to your question. It is obvious (and I'm going to state it anyway) that getting hurt is part and parcel of growing up, so you have to get over it eventually before you miss out on everything. You have to put yourself out there eventually BUT it doesn't have to be right now. If you feel really uncomfortable with the idea of seeing someone right now, then by all means, don't. You have supportive friends who are looking out for you and that's a great thing. Just tell them to give you some time (but not too long, maybe a few months at most? You're 20 for goodness sake, you should be enjoying life!) In the mean time, you should keep putting in some effort to ease into the idea of seeing someone. Don't just shove it under the carpet. The only way to get around your fears (of trusting someone) is by facing it. Start with baby steps. Your friends are there for you.
I was hurt very badly by my first relationship, I was 19. I'm 25 now and have been afraid since, I also have not had decent support until recently. I highly suggest taking a different route than I did. Don't let life happen without you, get out there and experience it.
Hey I know its tough now but the best thing to do is to get back out there, dont rush into a relationship but go out have fun, meet new people and just be open to the idea, if you dont meet someone you want to get to know better and it gets more serious then be honest with them. You have to try and remember the good things about the relationship rather than all the hurt at the end. Its like falling off a horse, you have to get back on once you can .
