First time sex in a relationship

[jazzyspazzy]

Sooo... I have a boyfriend! Yes, I am in a straight relationship and asking advice on an LGBT website, but this site has played a big part in discovering who I am, so I figured that you guys would continue to help me out despite the fact that I'm probably a lot straighter than I used to think I was.

Anyway, I've known and been friends with this guy for 2 1/2 years now, so I know he's a good guy and worthy of my time and effort on the relationship front. Thing is, I'm horny as hell for him, but don't want to go to fast because I've always been told to... however, if it feels right, what does it matter whether or not it's within the next 6 months or the next week? We've been together as a couple now for 3 weeks exactly, but all I can think about is him naked with his cock (which I'm told is massive by a reliable source) inside me. Our kisses are very steamy as it is, and I feel as though things will progress in that direction. I feel really comfortable with him, and I would be more than happy to lose my virginity to him. Even if we don't stay together after the end of this school year, I would still be perfectly happy to give it up to him.

Back to you guys - I was wondering how long you think is a good time to wait until the first time you have sex in a committed relationship. One of my good friends says 6 months, but do other stuff beforehand. It sounds like an awfully long time to me, but what is your opinion?

[Robert]

If it was me, I'd give him a blowjob first and see where things go from there. If you want to have full blown vaginal sex, then do it.

[justinf]

I don't think there's one ''good time to wait'' before having sex. All that matters is how you feel about it. If you're sure that you are ready and want to do it, then go for it! If you have any doubts, wait. Six months of waiting can be torture for one person, yet another person may need a lot more than six months to be ready. Just go with your feelings! Nothing's wrong as long as you're sure

[DhammaGamer]

Use a condom.
...
USE A CONDOM!!!

[jazzyspazzy]

In your experience, does having sex with someone change the dynamics of the relationship or is it just a continuation of how you were already? I just don't want to screw it all up because I was too horny and couldn't be bothered to wait... but on the other hand, I don't want to screw it up by waiting too long...

---------- Post added 6th Mar 2012 at 04:55 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Robert

If it was me, I'd give him a blowjob first and see where things go from there. If you want to have full blown vaginal sex, then do it.

Any tips on that front? Unfortunately, I have a terrible gag reflex...

[Robert]

Originally Posted by jazzyspazzy

Any tips on that front? Unfortunately, I have a terrible gag reflex...

Why do so many people assume that you have to try to swallow it? Giving a blowjob is not the same thing as deep throating!

I dont have much experience so its probably best to ask someone else but I'd say that you should use your tounge to stroke the head of his penis.

[Lexington]

The advice on "waiting" mainly has to do with getting comfortable with the person, and feeling you can trust them with letting them see what I call the "quivering gelatinous underbelly". You know, not just seeing you without clothes, but without inhibitions. The fact that you've known this guy for a couple of years, and presumably feel comfortable with him, assumedly means you're at that point. So don't feel the need to wait any longer if you'd rather not.

Random tips as I think of them.

* Ask what he'd like to do. I know it's probably a given that he'd like to do vaginal, and probably get a blowjob, but why not find out? Tell him what you'd like to do, and ask what he'd like as well. If he's not up to speed yet, let him set the pace. If he just wants to make out heavily, do that for now.

* A blow job isn't "see how much of it you can fit down your throat at once". It's making him feel good using your mouth - that's it. So feel free to give it a try. Kiss, lick, suck, whatever. Pull your lips around your teeth before you take him in. Stroke the rest of his penis with your hands while you lick the head. Stimulate his scrotum with your other hand.

* Here's a good thing to keep in mind. There's a spot about a half-inch behind the head on the underside of the penis. There tend to be more "pleasure points" here than anywhere else. There won't be any visual sign of where it is, really, but just know it's there. Any step you take away from that spot tends to be SLIGHTLY less enjoyable when stimulated. So underside more than the sides, sides more than the top, that spot more than the tip, that spot more than the base. This doesn't mean working the base or the tip won't be enjoyable to him - they will be. But if he seems to be getting a bit over-excited, move your tongue to the top of the penis. Or towards the base, or to the tip. If he seems to be plateauing or slightly losing interest, move around more, and hit that spot more.

* Protection, protection, protection. Don't start playing the "I know I'm clean" or "we'll be careful" games. Condoms condoms condoms. Putting a bit of lubricant on the inside of the penis (along the bottom edge) will make it more enjoyable for him.

* Have fun, damnit.

Lex

[TheAMan]

Personally I go by my religious beliefs and wait until marriage but I understand many people definitely don't want to wait that long. To that I say, wait until you think you're comfortable going all the way and make sure your boyfriend is too.

[jazzyspazzy]

Originally Posted by Lexington

Putting a bit of lubricant on the inside of the penis (along the bottom edge) will make it more enjoyable for him.

Eh? You mean inside the condom or outside?

Originally Posted by Lexington

* Have fun, damnit.

Oh, I most certainly will...

[justinf]

Originally Posted by jazzyspazzy

Eh? You mean inside the condom or outside?

Inside.

Also, in case you didn't know this, if you're gonna do oral with a condom, you might prefer unlubricated or flavored condoms, because many people find the taste of lubricants gross. And of course if you decide to go all the way and have actual intercourse, you'll need a new one -- this time lubricated.

Have fun

[TruffleDude]

Both inside and out would be good.

The relationship dynamics do usually change. I have noticed that I am more comfortable around the person, and have that "I've known you my whole life" feeling. I mean it is an incredibly intimate and powerful exchange of energy when you have sex. If one of you feels weird about this afterward, it can make things difficult. It comes down to whether or not you want to give that much of yourself to this person, and if you trust them to reciprocate. I am talking about a certain kind of sex here though. Hook-ups and one night stuff usually doesn't bring these deeper feelings out, but it can take the sexual tension out of the relationship nonetheless.

I don't think that there is a time limit. I would say that it is more about what you want out of the experience. If you want someone who isn't going to just fuck you and leave you then wait until you are sure that the relationship is pretty stable. If you want to just get laid, without having someone stick around and annoy the shit out of you then don't have sex with someone who you are always hanging out with.

Have an honest talk with each other before hand to figure out what each other wants and needs, and also any boundaries. This means both in the bedroom and in your relationship. Be certain to have a clear understanding of what each other thinks is okay as far as sex outside the relationship.

Safe sex, emotionally and physically.

[jazzyspazzy]

Originally Posted by cyanyst

I am talking about a certain kind of sex here though. Hook-ups and one night stuff usually doesn't bring these deeper feelings out, but it can take the sexual tension out of the relationship nonetheless.

We're a Facebook official couple, so it's nowhere near a one-night stand hook up, thankfully!

Originally Posted by cyanyst

If you want someone who isn't going to just fuck you and leave you then wait until you are sure that the relationship is pretty stable. If you want to just get laid, without having someone stick around and annoy the shit out of you then don't have sex with someone who you are always hanging out with.

I saw how he was with his last girlfriend - sweet, respectful and loyal - and it's one of the reasons why I asked him out in the first place. I know he's a decent guy, which is one of the reasons why I want to get the timing right. I definitely want this relationship to last at least until the end of the school year, when we both leave for uni. I don't want to just get laid, I want to have sex with my boyfriend because I love him and find him irresistibly sexy.

Originally Posted by cyanyst

Have an honest talk with each other before hand to figure out what each other wants and needs, and also any boundaries.

I'm not entirely sure what I'd say... what do you mean exactly by boundaries?

Originally Posted by cyanyst

Be certain to have a clear understanding of what each other thinks is okay as far as sex outside the relationship.

Ok, this is something that I've been wondering about lately. Is it better to have an open relationship or to be exclusive? I know that having an open relationship really needs to be open and can be quite difficult if either party gets jealous. I'm not entirely sure where I stand on the whole issue.

[jazzyspazzy]

Originally Posted by justinf

Also, in case you didn't know this, if you're gonna do oral with a condom, you might prefer unlubricated or flavored condoms, because many people find the taste of lubricants gross. And of course if you decide to go all the way and have actual intercourse, you'll need a new one -- this time lubricated.

Any suggestions on the flavour front? Do they just taste a bit like bubble gum?

[jazzyspazzy]

I did it! I gave him a hand/blow-job and he fucking loved it!! Thanks for all the advice guys... in another 5 days or so, we'll be banging each other's brains out (my ladygarden is a no-go area atm).

[Bedroom Hymns]

Well, I would personally wait a little to get closer and fall more in love so when the time comes it's even more amazing. But it's up to you, there's no right or wrong anyway. Do what you (or your vagina ) want.