I'm 25 and finally accepting that I am gay .... With that being said I am petrified with fear from what it is going to be like coming out. I used to think i could just live life alone. My situation is I just moved out from my moms house to another state (I started college late because of some depression issues). I moved to this other state with two friends that I have known for 3 years they are married. We have realy got to know each other very well in these few years and we have done many great, fun things together. My two friends helped me move down here with them and gave me a place to live for 3 months while I looked for a job. wouldn't you know it he even found me a job. These are the two greatest people I have ever meet. These two people have made me feel so secure arround them I had notice some of my mannerisms I had been keeping on the DL coming out arround them. One of them asked me a mOnth ago If I was gay and I said no. That question is what made me fully accept I was gay because when I said no I felt horribly guilty. Now I just can't seem to find the right time to say it. And I am really scared that she might be upset with me for not coming clean with her sooner. And I am finding it really hard to tell my guy friends. I'm afraid I might lose my best and last friend from highschool. Coming out is freaking hard!!!! All I can think about is what the outcome of coming out will be. I'm lossing a lot o sleep over it and I'm 3000 miles from home it's making me miss my mommy I'm not even worried about telling her I'm sure she already knows its just never been discussed. I know that my mood has been distant and I'm sure my friends are not liking the person I am right now cause I am usually happy go getter and now I'm a couch potato that doesn't say a word causE the only thing that is on my mind is how do I do this. How do I tell every one I'm really gay. I suppose just like that but why is it so hard.......
Hi and welcome to EC! Coming out for the first time is usually the hardest, as you keep going it gets easier, but not that much easier. It depends on how comfortable you are with yourself I guess. My first coming out came out in sobs, but as I came out to more people, it did become easier for me, although most of the time I told them online :/. Now, as for coming out to your two friends, you can start with the friend that asked you a few months back. You can start by saying, "Do you remember the time when you asked me if I was gay?" and if she replies at all (doesn't matter if she remembers or not - now that the question is on the table), you can lead the conversation to you telling her the truth about yourself. That's my advice...I know I came out similarly to one of my friends like that. Good luck! -Felix
Coming out is tough, it can be really nerve wracking and often if put on the spot we back out and deny it. Im sure when you tell her she wont be mad, its totally understandable. Perhaps you could write a letter explaining everything and hand them the note.
For me coming out to myself was a bigger accomplishment to myself than it was to come out to my family and friends. It may be nerve wracking to come out to people you are close to but I think with these friends you already have an open window. By your friend asking you if you were gay I think she/he may have been trying to get you to open up about it. By never following through she/he more than likely either believed your or didn't want to pressure you. I had a lot of times in my life when I was asked if I was gay (mostly be long time friends or family; because I never dated or took interest women). Once I was able to admit to myself that I was gay and that I was happy to accept it coming out to my friends and family was a breeze(besides my mother, that had a nice nerve wracking 15 minute dramatic pause before responding to a letter i wrote her and handed to her) If your worried that your going to have a tough time talking to these people do what I did and write a letter to them. You don't have to send it, but write it, and re write it until you feel that the words you are using are the best expression of how you feel. For me It was theraputic to put it to paper and get my thoughts out there.
Well firsts let me say congrats on accepting you're gay. Coming out to yourself is the hardest thing to do. Now coming out to your friends will be hard but you should only do it when you feel 100% ready. When you do, I'm sure they will accept you because it sounds like you have some really great friends.
So once again another sleepless night but it was constructive I wrote out two really nice letters. I think I'm gonna hand them over tonight and let them read them and have a q&a with them tonight. Wish me luck coming out
I had a female friend who asked me if I was gay about 2 years before I was ready to deal with it. Like you, I lied and said no. In truth, I thought at the time maybe I was BI but not not 100% gay - and I didn't think she needed to know that. Years later, she was one of the first people I told. And after she got past her shock- she said she felt really badly, about pressuring me. As for the guy friends, if they are real friends, they won't care. Good luck and Love the Name- CreamCheese is one of my favorite things!
Similar to nydtc, my father brother up the possibility of me being gay about three years ago. I just went numb and froze like a stupid deer right before he gets plowed into by a semi-truck. Didn't say anything, but after that reaction, I probably didn't have to. He'll get my long overdue response this May. Good for you for taking that first step. Each coming out experience is a little less terrifying than the previous ones.
so yesterday didn't feel right so i put it off. This afternoon I was feeling real good so I posted in our facebook roommate group that I had something important to tell them and that it was nothing bad. they mad the suggestion of going out and me telling them at dinner. I told them that i didn't want to talk about it in public and i would tell them before we went out. So after work while we were smoking a cig I told them "I am gay and that's the way it's going to be form now on". My guy roommate said now what do you really want to tell us and I said that was it. he then said he was really happy that i was able to accept myself for who I was and he was really supportive. His wife said she was honored that I would trust them so much that I would come out to them first and they were both just so damn supportive. I sat there in shock for a few minuets just expecting some sort of bomb to blow up, but all that came was love and support. later on i asked them if they had any clue that I was gay they said that I am the straightest gay guy they know lol. I'm so happy right now I didn't end up using the letters but i re-wrote them a hundred times yesterday. I know that that really helped a lot. Thank you so much for the extra nudge I needed to get this done!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are all awesome and I love you all .... you are beautiful people!!!!!!
