Well here I am, 60 and finally admitting that I am really attracted to other men. I am married and have no desire to hurt someone who has done nothing wrong but the urges are stronger every day. Call me confused but this seems to be a bit of a conundrum.
That does seem like a conundrum and I can't say that my advise will be best for your sitch, but maybe talk to your wife?
Thanks for the input!! That time may come but I don't see it in the near future. Until I understand my inner self I don't want to destroy her. (I know that makes me sound extremely conceited)
Thats cool there are several members on EC who are or were married im sure some of them will chip in on your thread soon and offer some better advice than I can. I can say however that EC is a great place to understand your inner self.
Silverhalo's right, in the mean-time though, are there any threads about understanding one's feelings in support and advice or anywhere really? because that aspect of your journey will be similar to people of any age; the confusion, worries, fears etc.
I want to thank the two of you for starting the feedback process. Although we are worlds apart geographically and age wise you stepped in and made this man feel a bit of comfort. Thank you is not enough to express my gratitude.
You are more than welcome, whilst we havent been in your position most people on EC have been in an unsure, confused stage at some point so we understand as much as we can. Everyone remembers what is like to be new.
Once again I second Silverhalo's sentiments. you are indeed more than welcome! hopefully those with more direct experiences with a similar dilemma to your own can help more, but nobody can know exactly what you're feeling
Hi there! Not sure if it helps but I know someone who is in his early 70s and has come out last year to his wife, and who had to come to terms with his sexual identity at a later age as well and navigate through all the coming out process. His coming out experiences thus far seem to have gone rather well. I think the first thing you should do is stand in front of the mirror and smile, and pad yourself on your back. No matter what your age is, admitting to yourself that you are not straight, is already a huge step. Coming out to others is probably still going to take a while, but I think it doesn't hurt to start working on establishing your support network, that will help you in figuring things out. Do you have access to support organizations or groups, such as a gay men wellness group, or a support group for gay men who have come out or who are in their later stages of life? If the urges are getting stronger with each passing day, I think it would be good for you to start seeking out some support, and start to have an outlet about your thoughts and feelings. It is understandable as to why you don't want to hurt your wife, and the worries that this might be causing you. But I think it would be important to have your support network somewhat in place, which can provide some comfort and courage in starting to talk with your wife about your inner feelings. (*hug*)
Hey Myturn, welcome to EC! As you can see, no matter the age, people here are supportive and we can all find something in common with this whole GLBT thing. I feel bad that I've waited a long time to come out compared to most of the younger people on here, but we all grew up at different times, in different places/families, and have different histories. Our surroudings and age makes a big difference in coming out for most people. I never got married so I don't have any advice on that part of your life, other than there are guys here who've been in that situation. I hope you stick around, read, post, whatever you want, I'm just glad you found us. Take care! (*hug*)
Myturn, I'm looking forward to chatting soon regarding what you're going through. As we've communicated on my wall, our stories are similar. There are 3 or 4 other members who come to mind who are at various stages of coming out at an older age. I hope we can all support each other. One thing I would suggest is finding a great counselor who can help you sort everything out. I was lucky enough to have found one, as well as other personal contacts. They, along with the great EC community, have enabled me to take giant steps forward in claiming my authentic self. I'll be moving into my own place for the first time in my life in just a few weeks. :icon_bigg Another idea I have for you is to read books by authors who have dealt with our situation. One that comes to mind is Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, A Psychiatrists Own Story by Loren A. Olson, M.D. One of the advisors here, I think it was Chip has mentioned a book to others here, but the title and author escapes me now. Maybe he or another EC member will post the title for you - and me. (*hug*) 55bna
Welcome Myturn! I'm another guy who was married with kids and came out just about 2 years ago when I was 42. My wife and I got through it because I started with a counselor. I even had my wife attend with me so that her questions could be answered. She did not want a counselor of her own. We got through it with a minimal amount of pain or sadness. In some ways we are closer than we were married. So hang around here, ask questions, find a counselor, and start working on what path you need to take. It's scary and confusing at first, but like the rest of us, you'll get through it.
