Okay, so I haven't really given my due respect to this website. It's given me a lot of help and advice and interesting reads over the...half-year, or however long I've been being a phantom here. A lot has been going on recently, and I've really wanted to put everything up here, and have been meaning to, but I just haven't gotten to it. I'll get to it, I promise! (I'd almost say it'd be a New Year's Resolution, but that would mean I'd probably put it off till next December! hah) Okay, here's the basic gist of the problem. I somehow mysteriously ended up getting a boyfriend, or the boyfriend getting me, and we can call him James as that's his real first name that he doesn't go by. I have no idea why I feel I need to change his name, but whatevs. So We've acutally only been together a few times, and "we" decided that we'd take the relationship slow, although I think the emotional relationship has been going slow, just not the physical relationship. He's really into the lust part of everything, from two encounters, and I haven't really spent enough time with him or on the phone with him to talk about it. i think I'm ready, but I'm not sure I want to be there yet. This may be a longer post/bigger problem than I thought. The MAIN thing here is that I've been calling him the past week, because we've been on winter break. I've been in Florida the past week and so we were bummed we haven't been able to hang. Every time I call him, he's busy and we can't talk long, so he says "I'll call you back later," "I'll call you later tonight," or "I'll call you when I get home." I NOW know I shouldn't put too much faith in any of these phrases with him, because he never calls me. Every time he says some kind of phrase like these, I always push a kind of "stagnate" button on my life or whatever I'm doing, especially when he gives me a quasi-time frame. I can barely get anything done and it hurts me so much. It's happened at least six to eight times already, but I think he's apologized once. So when I got back from Florida three days ago, I've asked to do things with him and he's like "Okay, I'll call you back." He kind of stays up all night texting, as that's a big thing to him, and he wakes up pretty late in the day, compared to me. I suppose that's normal for a break, and I'm just kind of queer since I wake up at abnormal times for a teenager (I hate sleeping, it's a long story). We haven't been together yet, maybe for a second while being in front of his house baking in an easy bake oven and spraying a mosquito with body spray (LONG story). And then he said we would spend most of yesterday together, and that ends up not happening and he ends up hanging up with someone else, for reasons I know not of.Let's see if I can get to a main question/problem to ask before I give away anymore superfluous information. I asked him what he was doing tonight for New Year's and it ended up he's going to a theater thing, and I kind of got myself invited, but I realized it would be awkward with me not really knowing anyone. I just wanted to go to be with him, but I'm not sure if it's worth it. BUT that is not a problem I need solving, so much. !!--Am I overreacting and putting too much faith in his words? Is my disappointment justified? I feel like I may be thinking too much into everything, and I should just relax, but I don't know if I should. All these things make me think way too much and make me think he only lusts after me and he doesn't really like me. It's very depressing and I have no idea what to do. --!! (this is what I mainly need help with) I know a good answer to this would be to talk to him, and I want to because I have so many things to say, but I rarely get time with him, even during school holidays! I'm not sure if I should be angry or sad or just ignore everything, because I think I may have pretty strong feelings for this kid that are slowly disintegrating by the days. I really hate the idea of waiting it out, because he probably won't call me and I'll have to look desperate and pathetic and call him. You may be able to see my emotions slowly change in this post. However, I really do like James. I need to find something to get my mind off of this, so I will take my leave to fail at this next task. (Sorry for my strange grammar and the length and the trail of this post. I hope those flaws don't scare anyone away from replying)
Well, I'll start off with a few questions I have: How long have you two known each other? How did you meet? First off, welcome to EC! I'm glad to see you here and posting. I hope you continue to find it the helpful place it's been, so far. Second, take a deep breath. From your post, it sounds like you have several problems with this relationship. It sounds like you've got a ton of issues that you address in this post. First, it sounds like you're worried that you might not be wanting the same thing from this relationship. You sound like you're interested in the emotional aspect, and you worry that he's more interested in having sex. Second, it sounds like you two are on opposite time scheduals. Because of that, it's hard for you to contact him, because he's sleeping half the time that you're awake. Third, you're wondering how much you can trust what he says. He says he'll call you back, and he doesn't. He says that he'll spend such-and-such day with you, and he doesn't. Fourth and finally, he invided you to this theatre thing with (it sounds like) some of his friends. You want to spend time with him, but you're looking for one-on-one time, and he's offering you group time. I don't think you're overreacting, from what you've said. If a person says they'll call you back, they really should call you back. One thing I'm wondering, though: did you establish any guidlines for when he should call you back? It sounds like you might have some miscommunication going on, there. You interpret "I'll call you back" to mean, "I'll call you later today/tomorrow," where as he may see it "I'll call you back sometime this week." As much as you don't want to hear it, my suggestion really is the one you gave yourself: talk to him. It sounds like communication (or lack of) is a huge issue in your relationship, right now. Before you take this relationship any further, I really think you need to sit down to him and talk, face to face, about what each of your expectations are. If he tells you he'll call you back and he doesn't, let him know how that makes you feel. Tell him all the things that you've just told us. I don't think it's wise for you to continue calling him. If you do, you might start to get annoying. What I'd suggest to do is this: call him up, and tell him that you really need to talk to him. Alone. Give him a deadline, and if he doesn't contact you, start looking for someone else. If he's not going to live up to his words, maybe he's not the best person for you. As far as that theatre thing goes, what is it, exactly? Do you think you'd have any fun at it, or would you just spend the whole time frustrated and distracted? If you think it might be fun, I don't think it would hurt to go. If you're just going to mope the whole time, I might suggest not going. Those are my opinions. Do with them what you will.
Oh, a few questions I had, but forgot to add: How did you guys meet? How long have you known each other?
Thanks for the advice, it really calmed me down, for one thing, and also gave me a clearer sense of how to approach my situation. We've known each other, in a small sense of the phrase, for about three weeks. It's been quick, yet long. I've actually posted the story of how we met as a blog, right here And the theater thing, it's just a New Year's party at someone's house for a lot of theater kids. I'm not sure how he felt about me going in the first place, but I already told him I wasn't going to go. I'm going to hang with another friend tonight.
No problem. I'm glad I could be of some help. It was interesting reading your blog post about James, and some of the stuff it sounds like he's gone through with other guys. I'd be curious to know exactly what all went on between him and JC. I'm hoping it wasn't too serious, but your blog didn't give me much encouragement...
