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Afraid to mess it up.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by FruityFascism, Mar 7, 2012.

  1. FruityFascism

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    I hung out with a friend from high school last night. I was asked at one point to help him deal with his family situation after he came out. This was a year ago. A few days ago he sent me a text, and we've been talking since. I really like him, and I think* he likes me as well. But as we were talking he told me he just got out of a relationship. I don't want to mess up what we have by telling him my feelings. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and it feels horrible to not say anything. I'm over-thinking** things as always. I feel like a petty teenager bitching about stupid shit. A friend told me I should sit my ass down and wait to see what happens. I suppose he is right, but this waiting is horrible. I've been waiting for so long to not be lonely. Then again that's probably what lonely people say.


    * I'm horrible at knowing if someone likes me

    ** A dangerous past-time


    (I am posting this to have it out in the world and not in my head, where it will drive me crazy.)
     
  2. Gravity

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    Over-thinking is, indeed, a dangerous past-time.

    You can be pro-active without being aggressive. Try to spend more time with him. Don't let him dwell on past things too much, try to focus on new and happier things with him. Associate yourself with positive emotions and feelings in his head.

    But, also, give him time to get over things. Doesn't say here how long he was in said relationship, so maybe he'll need a lot of time, and maybe he won't - but one thing I can guarantee, rushing will not help.
     
  3. FruityFascism

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    Thank you Gravity. That helped a lot. The relationship was seven months in length, but it sounded pretty abusive emotionally. I will try to spend more time with him. He is rather fun to be around. Thank you for pointing out that rushing will do more harm than good: I needed to hear that.
     
  4. Gravity

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    No problem. :slight_smile:

    And yes, an abusive situation will call for some time to heal. Maybe not as much as you would think, but he'll need some time.

    Good luck, and keep posting if things come up!
     
  5. Lexington

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    There's nothing wrong with gauging interest. If he's discussing feeling lousy about himself, you might say "Hey, you're a really great person. I think you'd make a great boyfriend. Hell, I'd ask you out myself if I didn't know you were just out of a relationship, and weren't looking to get involved with somebody right now."

    If you say something like that, you make it clear that you're interested...but ALSO make it clear that nothing will happen until he feels he'd like it to. You won't come across as preying or needy - you'll come across as compassionate and friendly. :slight_smile:

    Lex