I realized I like guys a month into my first relationship, with anyone. My girlfriend didn't care, and actually thought it was cool. I started to develop louder attractions to guys- from a small voice saying "hey- for some reason, you should stick near him", and me basically following a guy around, to "hey- he's attractive", where I just thank the voice, and continue with whatever I was doing. Recently, it's gotten even louder, so that at times, he (let's just say Derrick) is most of what I can think about. I have to remind myself that I have a girlfriend, and I shouldn't let my mind wander this much. I try to think of her, but it's soon replaced with thoughts of Derrick. She can't seem to stay in my head, but Derrick often does, and sometimes invades at random times. I don't know if this is a sign that I should break up with her, or if I'm just having a moment where I'm strongly leaning towards guys. Usually, they last a couple days, and then I don't think of Derrick as much. I don't want to break up with her, because she'd be hurt. And I like her, a lot. I just seem to be more attracted to Derrick. I know that if we did break up, we'd still be good friends. That may be better, because then I'm not worrying about who I'm thinking about. I'm really confused, and as the title says, I don't know what to do.
Well, I think you should tell your girlfriend that your attraction to guys is stronger than she thinks. She may be hurt, but "honesty is the best policy" is true. Is 'Derrick' a specific person or just guys in general? Because if he is and he is gay or bisexual as well, it might be a good idea to get to know him. If you aren't thinking about her the way you should be in a relationship, I think it'd be best for both of you to just be friends, at least until you can figure things out with your attractions. But of course it's your choice.
She knows, and and I've explained the whole situation. I think that "derrick" is a specific person, but in a small way, reflects my feelings on guys in general. The guy I'm talking about seems to be the type of guy that you can't just be friends with. Somehow, you end up attracted to him, and it doesn't go away.
Its a tough decision but staying with your girlfriend just because she would be hurt if you break up is not enough reason. I think you have to try and ask yourself if you were stood in a room with your girlfriend on one side and 'Derrick' on the other and you absolutely had to choose one or the other which one would you like to pick. That will be your answer.
OK, think about that line a bit. It's a very common concern people have. If the roles were reversed, and you were totally straight and she was obviously moving in the direction of being lesbian rather than bisexual, would YOU want to stay in a relationship with someone who obviously isn't very attracted to opposite-sex people? Probably not. So continuing the relationship is lying to her, and the longer you do that, the more difficult it becomes to be truthful. We have members here who have been lying to their wives (and themselves) for 20, 30 years. And they can tell you that it's miserable for everyone concerned. If you find yourself moving in the direction of being strongly attracted to men, and feeling little or no attraction to women... then you owe it to yourself and to her to be true to your feelings and let her know that it's not going to work. As you said, she'll be hurt, but if she understands you, then she'll get over it and still be a great friend.
Apart from the whole relationship discussion with your girlfriend, I think the "It's know you it's me" line applies here. Regardless of Derrick, I think this whole situation is what's on your mind right now, and taking a break from relationships to think this through might just be a good idea for you.
Chip- I never thought of it that way. I know that she doesn't like it when I bring up this topic with her. I don't want to just revisit this question every couple of months with her. Greeneyes- I agree. I think that if I do break up, I shouldn't just immediately go after Derrick, even though he was a sign to what was actually happening in my mind. I should just be alone, and let things settle. And later, try to start a relationship with a guy, and see what happens.
