Hey all First, thanks for the advice you have given thus far. Things are still all out of whack. If you haven't followed... quick recap- I fell in love w/ my best friend he's not exactly out or okay with who he is but he's getting better. Right now he's seeing a girl- but said I'm his friend w/ benefits with emotions... ugh--- I tried putting space n distance.. but We can't stay away from each other. We talked for a while last night n he does love me but can't decide if he likes pussy or cock better-- I'm one of the best he's ever had and I never leave him disappointed- I'm better than the girl he's seeing. He is still unsure on what to do but claims he doesn't want a bf and wants to be with her-- flip to that-- she has no idea we are still messing around. I think he's seeing her bc he can't accept or handle having a bf. He said we are both good to him. If he was with me- he could be himself 100% no lies, no pretending, no friends with benefits. IDK if he's just not there yet or if he ever will be. I'm afraid if I back off I won't have a chance at all He wants me to help him cope with being gay- I told them that's hard when you sleeping with a woman... But he's slowly coming out and I've been helping- but also not letting up. he knows I love him and bc he loves me too I'm not giving up. But its hard to sit at home knowing he 'chose' her over me- she claims it's just lust-- but i think she's the one in lust- they've only been hanging out for 3 months and she fell head over heals from him the first time she saw.... It's just a sticky situation and idk where to turn :icon_sad::help::icon_sad:
Really does look like a terrible situation be be in. Well i think its best if you try and be a little tighter with your heart strings. Try and not let your emotions become too out of control, if it does talk to someone, someone who could possibly understand because i really have no clue to relationships ultimately you know what you want but he is still obviously quite trouble and confused, but as you said dont back down. You really should help him through with his own sexuality but just dont force someone to be what theyre not. He very well could like women better than men, or vice versa but in all let him grow according to his own potential, is what im going to say.
Hi there! (*hug*) Given what you have mentioned, my questions to you are: would it not be a lot easier on yourself, if you would move on from this? Given the way he feels, and the fact that he has a girlfriend, why are you still 'messing around' with him? You are clinging to something that you really shouldn't be. You are hoping that he will leave her and that he will come back to you. Yes, you are afraid to back off, because you are still having feelings (deeper feelings) for him and a large part of you wants to reignite the relationship. Have you tried to start moving on? Waiting for him to a) leave his girlfriend, and b) accept himself, and come to terms with his own sexual identity (even if you are trying to help him) can really only come back to bite you, in the sense that you are going to be the one who is going to miss out on all kinds of great opportunities. Don't wait for something that might not even happen. Even if he comes to you and says, "I want to be with you," you might actually find yourself in a relationship that is going to be very hard to manage and emotionally draining on you. If he is not sure about himself, and can't handle a boyfriend, where will this leave you? You deserve so much better than this. I think it would be good if you would start looking into spending more time with your friends, doing the things you love, and proactively looking for someone to date, and start moving on from him. (*hug*)
Hmm, very confusing indeed. Lets be clear about a few things first: Sex and fucking are different: one is an emotional and physical connect between two human beings, and one is a strictly physical connection between two human beings. Sexuality and preference are different: One is who you are, where as one is what you choose to do. Love and infatuation are different: one is a temporary release of chemicals that makes everything seem absolutely blissful, where as one is developed, grown, nurtured, compassionate, and shared between both. That said, Perhaps you being caregiver is not what is best for you. It sounds selfish and harsh, but in reality, you are your most important person. It sounds like there is allot of work that you both need to do before you consider a relationship with one another. To me, it sounds like you are trying to fix him, and he doesnt want to cooperate (understandably) The problem is that if you are constantly the one trying to fix someones problems those people will never learn. My advice, take it or leave it, is that you need to focus on yourself right now. You can give your friend all the love and the support he needs to come out on his-own, but you cannot fix his problems. That support and love are the tools that he needs to be successful in doing that, but as I said, if you fix his problems and try and do everything for him he will not learn, and you will continue to be very unhappy. I am sorry for the cruelty that my honesty might cause you. In the best regards,
I pretty much agree with the above posters. It's probably best not to put your heart on the line for this guy, meaning you should stop "messing around" with him as well. It feels like you're putting yourself at risk to be hurt in the long run. If you truly consider him a friend, you shouldn't abandon him especially if you believe he's making progress in becoming comfortable with his sexuality. However, I feel you should only be there for him as a friend. As Mirko said, you deserve better than that. If the opportunity presents itself in the future when he's more comfortable with himself and not in a relationship, then go for it.
Thanks folks, None of this has been easy- for either of us. The feelings we have for each other developed over a few years. The girl is new- I think that's just infatuation. I've told him from the start that I'm not asking for him to be my bf-- he adds that pressure himself. At the same time I do want to be with him but he needs to be very comfortable with who he is first and of course not be seeing anyone. lol And to be clear on the physical- it's not just fucking- there's emotion and passion involved. he doesn't leave when we're done.... I've been on a few dates too-- nothing spectacular, but I'm not waiting for him- if it happens it happens, if not oh well. and Tyler- damn ur good i'm always the "fixer" part of who I am. not that i'm trying to fix him (intentionally) I don't think he's 'broken' but he's not as happy as he could be with the cover story he has created and lived by for so many years. I will keep ya'll posted- thanks again for all the support and advice. I'm glad I have EC!! G
