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Making it easier for my parents

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by YIAW, Mar 9, 2012.

  1. YIAW

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    My parents are liberals, and supposedly pro gay rights, but I can see how homosexuality makes them uncomfortable, especially my dad. He can say "love is love" all he wants, but when he catches man on man action on tv he turns it off on the spot, and with every gay pride on the news he always goes off on epic rants about loss of dignity and how gays should sit at home living quietly their lives. Same goes with lesbians (and feminists in general). My mom and sister are like that too.
    There's also the gratuitous use of the word gay. And say there's an emo singer on tv: "where's your boyfriend, hun?" and so on. No use reminding him that he used to rock the David Bowie hairstyle back in his days.

    Now, I don't think my parents are bad people, just really uneducated (like everybody else on this planet). One day I'll have to come out to them, and I already know they're going to be supportive on the outside, but it's gonna shock their world and all their beliefs. It will took them a lot of time to adjuste to it and to look at me the same way. It seems almost cruel to do that to them. Isn't there any way I can prepare them, maybe educate them a little, without it being suspicious? Or am I just being selfish?
     
    #1 YIAW, Mar 9, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2012
  2. greeneyes

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    My parents are like that a bit (not the same situation exactly, but it is a bit hot and cold in terms of support). At the same time, it's really different when it's YOUR kid. I would not think that to be a deterrent. Some people have parents supportive of gay rights but not of their children's. I didn't think my mom was super supportive of gay rights but she was pretty supportive of me. You never know, in short, and you have to give people the benefit of the doubt and most importantly time to process this.
     
  3. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    Softening the blow its a bit complicated to do since you are going to be relying on giving them hints and nudges about accepting homosexuality. It will get tougher, because the more hints you give the more they will become suspicious and it's very probable that they will start asking you about it. If you are okay with that, then that is definitely the way to go.

    Also, I just want to touch on the fact that isn't cruel to tell our parents about us. You know, to make them suffer and go through the whole accepting phase. While yes, it will be hard for them, by no means are you being selfish. You have to keep in mind that they are YOUR parents. They had you to help you and protect you, and that includes handling all the situations that life throws at you. While it might be painful for them at first, they seem like very caring parents and I'm sure they want to be there for you.

    Just a personal story, when I came out to my mom she cried every day for 3 months straight. Needless to say, I felt horrible about myself. I didn't want to cause my mom so much pain. During one of or many confrontations, I told her I was sorry for putting her through the whole thing. He reply, "I'm not crying because you are gay. I'm crying because I know how hard your life will be, I know how much pain you will go through and I hate the fact that I'm not able to help you out through any of it"

    They are our parents. They just want us to be happy and be safe. After you show them that being LGBT doesn't change that fact, then everything calms down.

    What I'm trying to say with all of this is that you aren't being selfish for thinking about telling them :slight_smile:
     
  4. YIAW

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    That's exactly what I'm afraid they're going to do: cry for me and blame themselves. Some part of me wish I could just move in another country and lie to them forever. Wish it could be a real option.
    Thanks for sharing.
     
  5. Starshine16

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    Crying is a normal parental response to news like this. They may be crying because they are afraid for us and worried about what we'll face in the world. They may also blame themselves. You can reassure them that they did nothing wrong but you run the risk of them not believing you.

    ---------- Post added 9th Mar 2012 at 03:18 PM ----------

    Crying is a normal parental response to news like this. They may be crying because they are afraid for us and worried about what we'll face in the world. They may also blame themselves. You can reassure them that they did nothing wrong but you run the risk of them not believing you.