So, I'm not looking for advice as much as I'm looking to rant (but share your stories if you like). I have a friend who would constantly joke with me using pretty graphic sexual innuendos. He and I would go back and forth constantly. Before coming out, I knew there was no chance of taking a stab (no pun intended) but the things we'd come up with was hilarious so I'd perpetuate it. I've always found him to be adorable, but, I know he is straight. Before coming out, these conversations gave me something to fantasize about...but I was never emotionally moved by them. Moving along He's one of the first people I came out to. He was SUPER accepting, asked lots of questions, tried the best he could to offer reasonable advice and so on. Part of our conversation was that "everthing is still the same" part - which was true. As soon as we got off of my sexual preference and confusion, we started right back up with joking around. But........I'm finding myself strangly bothered by the inuendos now. I know, logically, they're jokes which we've established is OK, but they're making me lust for him terribly now. I don't want to make the situation akward by telling him that he's making me terribly horny, but, I think I should find a diplomatic way of saying "let's not go there". My problem is I so badly want to be cool about things - I'm the one concerned that things will change - I don't want to set a double standard by implying that I get to change the rules, but don't want others to. My fear is that I'll forget myself and do something regrettable. Last night, for example, I had been drinking (he hadn't really been). I was a bit tipsy. He was joking around with me a few times in the evening - I was getting just slightly handsy...the more I drank the closer I came to just grabbing him inappropriately and causing a very big scene. Anyhow. Sorry for rambling - I usually try to have a point. Just irritated with myself that I'm the one who wants everything to be the same, and can't deal with everything being the same.
Could it seems to me that maybe you have some feelings for this friend that extend beyond just friendship? I have straight friends and it was important that the "guy banter" go unchanged after I came out to them -so I completely understand where you are coming from. What I find interesting is the "handsy" part of your evening. What did he say? Do?
Handsy as he was standing in my way and I poked him in the kidney a couple times to get him to move. He took it as non-flirtatious. Just jumped a bit, twitched and such. Not handsy as in petting or anything like that. I do have feelings - not emotional, per se, but, to be honest, if he were to ever give a green light, I'd take it. That's why I have to keep myself in check and not read something that isn't there into a situation.
Ok that's not handsy - thats just horsing around. You should assume its always a red light and there is a cop right behind you! Your friendship is too important to risk the ticket. Ok I have beat this metaphor to death.
Agreed - he took it as horsing around. In my less than sober mind, it wasn't. You're absolutely correct though, policing action is important. That's not being closeted, that's avoiding crossing lines.
I can't even imagine the frustration. You're finally free to be yourself, yet you still have to pull back on your emotions. To be fair, straight people have the exact same problems. Welcome to the friendzone. Have you examined in full what it is exactly about your friend that you like? What qualities? What characteristics? Doing so might help you to better figure out what you're looking for in a partner. Your friend might be unknowingly helping you to navigate through the stages of gay crushes and romances. Sad as it is to say, your friendship with him might be the best thing for you. (P.S. Sorry if this is a bit rambling. I'm in the throes of allergy hell.)
