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Just Friends?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Hot Pink, Mar 10, 2012.

  1. Hot Pink

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    I have a big problem. When I was in the closet, it was pretty easy for me to be single. I just never thought about sex or relationships. Now? It's hard. Very hard for me to be single. I fall for girls left and right and so many things I try blow up in my face. It all feels very awkward and chaotic.

    I have a lot of female friends these days. Like the majority of my friends are female. Most of them, I only see as friends, but there are a few that I like. One specifically, I'm going to meet up with tonight at her place. We're just going to play games and watch movies. It isn't a date, but I'm extremely nervous about going over because I like her more than a friend. I only just met this girl four days ago, but something feels different about her. I've had crushes in the past, but this is something new. When I'm around her, my heart feels like its going to explode because it's beating so fast. I also get sweaty and I turn into an even bigger klutz--trust me, that's an accomplishment. She thinks I'm just naturally that uncoordinated, but I'm not.

    It seems like my body is trying to sabotage any chance--no matter how slim--I have with this girl. She's bisexual, funny, really cool, smart, and is really nerdy. We click in ways I've never experienced before. I just wonder if she feels the same--I doubt it because she told me that she hasn't been in a relationship for a very long time and is no longer actively looking for one. Honestly, if I could just like her as a friend, I would because the alternative is often making an idiot out of myself in front of her--well, worse than normal. Because she doesn't appear to be interested in me, it's probably best for me to look at her as only a friend, but I'm not sure how to do that.
     
  2. Maxis

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    I say ask her out and see how it goes. If she says yes, it's a win win situation. If she says no, you can still be friends, right? :slight_smile:
    (sorry for such a short post)
     
  3. Tetraquark

    Tetraquark Guest

    I think it's worth talking to her about it at least. You've only known her for a few days, so you might want to wait a little bit more before telling her anything, if not for any other reason than to get a better idea of how she would react. There's a good chance that she'll eventually notice that your behavior toward her is different than toward other people, so even if she isn't interested in a relationship she would at least appreciate knowing what's wrong.
     
  4. Hot Pink

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    I think that I do need more time to get to know her. It just seems so weird for me to get hit by this tidal wave of emotion and get swept off my feet after just a single meeting. I didn't think that such a thing really happens outside of movies.
     
  5. Hot Pink

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    Update: So I spent the night with her. We played Guitar Hero, watched Saving Face, and then spent roughly two hours talking. It turns out that we have a lot in common. Very similar interests, hobbies, and all that. Our chemistry is pretty amazing.

    The only issue is that when I asked if she would date someone who is transgendered, she said she didn't know. If she wouldn't, That throws a huge monkey wrench in because I am a trans woman, but she does know I'm trans.

    I'm fairly certain that she's figured out that I like her, but it doesn't seem to faze her. She's invited me over to her place again. I'm looking forward to getting to know her even more.
     
  6. Hot Pink

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    Another Update: I've decided to neatly fold up these feelings and put them away. They're only going to cause me pain. I already know that she isn't looking for a relationship, so I'm just going to focus on being her friend.
     
  7. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    That sounds like a solid plan :slight_smile:
     
  8. Hot Pink

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    Just feels like I'm never going to find love. Right when I'm okay with being single again, I meet another girl. I fall for her hard and then I realize it's never going to happen, then I get depressed. It's just a horrible cycle that I'm trying my hardest to get out of. I just need to accept that being single is the best for me and close the door on my romantic life. I spent that time of my life in the closet. It was over for me before it began. Dating is for the young and I'm not young anymore.
     
  9. dreamcatcher

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    Hey(*hug*) Don't give up hope yet. Even though things haven't been going so well that doesn't mean there isn't some girl out there that will love you for you. You're still in your 20's so you are far from old when it comes to dating. I wish I had better advice to give but unfortunately, I don't know much about dating myself. Just don't close the door on it yet. Keep your options open. Join as many lgbt related activities as you can, make a lot of friends, and surely, the girl for you will come.
     
  10. Hot Pink

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    So she ended up asking me out for a walk on Saturday. It's not officially I date, I guess, but there was a specific tone. I dunno. I guess I should try to treat it like going out with a friend, but she gave me a nice, warm smile when she asked. It was a flirty smile, not a friendly one.
     
  11. Hot Pink

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    Update: I hate this. I really do. I probably read more into the invitation than was intended. Again. I'm really bad at this, I think. A lot of wishful thinking going on, on my part? Now, I'm doubting if Saturday is actually a date and just a friendly walk. My instincts were telling me that she was asking me out, but they could be wrong. Until she concretely asks me out, I'll just have to assume it's just as friends. Why do I keep doing this to myself?
     
  12. Hot Pink

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    Super Duper Update: So, my plan didn't pan out so well. Ignoring my romantic feelings and just focusing on being your friend didn't make the romantic feelings go away. Two weeks of trying to be only her friend has only made me like her more. She's just amazing. Tomorrow, I'm meeting her for dinner and I'm going to confess my feelings. I'm really nervous right now. xx
     
  13. Mercy

    Mercy Guest

    OMg update please !!
     
  14. Nero

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    omg please tell us more i hope it all works out like a fairytail!!
     
  15. dreamcatcher

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    So what's the verdict? Here's hoping for some good news!
     
  16. Hot Pink

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    Sorry, guys. I got totally rejected.
     
  17. Tetraquark

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    :icon_sad: That's too bad. Do you think the two of you can still be friends?
     
  18. dreamcatcher

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    (*hug*) That sucks. What's gonna happen between the two of you now? Like tetra said, are you still gonna be friends?
     
  19. greeneyes

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    I just want to say that it sounds like you made really good decisions during this whole process. And good for you for putting it out there! It's the first time you've been rejected, and it won't be the last, but it also won't be the only answer you get! I also second the question about being friends.