1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Afraid of Intimacy and Relationships

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by greeneyes, Mar 10, 2012.

  1. greeneyes

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2011
    Messages:
    258
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NY
    I worry that I'm afraid of having ANY relationship. I had a situation recently where I panicked at the idea/prospect of physical contact, and this is not the first time that's happened. I've always been shy romantically, but I'm afraid that my fear is hindering from experiencing and therefore really discovering who I am.

    Help?!!
     
  2. Cascade

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2012
    Messages:
    377
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Saskatchewan
    I'm pretty much the same way. I shy away from physical contact of any kind, be it hugs or pats on the back. And I'm not sure if I'd be able to go out with someone either. Except I think that it's because of who I am that experiencing these things.

    Is it possible that you know exactly who you are and that's what's stopping you from experiencing a relationship and physical contact?
     
  3. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,722
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think the thought of it in your head is probably far worse than the actual event.

    I used to be scared and nervous about physical contact, but my girlfriend is amazing and so we just took things slowly. I think if you find the right person and you totally trust them then it wont be so bad.
     
  4. orangecat

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2011
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Not to try and label you as someone with lots of issues. But you should maybe consider seeing a counselor perhaps? I know how you feel about the physical contact. I am the same way. However, I have a bad history related reason for being that way. But a counselor can really help anyone in any situation. It's the most insightful way to learn more about yourself. I know they help because that's what I'm studying to become and have had experience with before!

    But on an easier level if you didn't want to do that you could just try to start making a list of what scares you about the idea of physical contact, and evaluate the reasoning. And in those moments, really think about what is causing you to feel the way you do. What specific trigger in that moment makes you the most uneasy. Self-reflection is the ultimate tool. Nobody will be able to tell you what is going on with you except for yourself.
     
  5. greeneyes

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2011
    Messages:
    258
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NY
    I'm not exactly sure what you mean here, but I'm almost 100% confident I'm bisexual, and though I'm young, I do have a pretty good idea of who I am (though I don't think 20 year olds have a full idea haha).

    I do see a counselor, but thank you for the suggestion! I always advocate doing so, especially as someone who shirked the idea for a long time because I thought it meant you're weird. But sometimes it's amazing to have a place to release.

    I really like the list idea though!

    Thank you that was really helpful! I do feel that way but I can't seem to find a relationship right now and live in an environment of a hook-up culture and don't know what to do about that.
     
  6. Starshine16

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2008
    Messages:
    343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    I have only had one relationship. It was with a guy I had known for years. Things progressed too fast. We were intimate rather quickly (though we never went all the way) and then he popped the question very soon.

    I think that experience may have soured me on relationships because I haven't even had one date since then.
     
  7. TroubledRyan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2009
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Mexico
    Well may i asked if your more scared of the actual physical part of the relationship, or giving your heart and with the chance of it being torn down.

    What everyone said about the physical aspect of it, I pretty much agree with. With love however, I'll leave my opinion.

    Everyone should be afraid to give there heart out, it is natural too. Your emotions are a very personal and precious thing. But if you do not trust someone and take risks, not many people can truly be happy. Not saying everyone needs a partner to be happy, but many people do.
    Yes, there is a chance that you may get with someone, and they hurt you. But there is also a chance that you will find that perfect person that makes you happy.
    Here is my outlook on break ups, which really helps:
    If both people are not happy, it is not a healthy relationship. You two need to be mutually happy.
     
  8. arretay

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2012
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I feel the exact same way. I agree with the post about taking it slow and having open communication with who you are with. You should not have to sacrifice comfort for anyone. With that said, it is also good to push yourself outside of your comfort zone once in a while, maybe with a very special person?