I'm a 20 year old guy from the US and I am currently studying abroad in Australia. A couple weeks after I got here I broke up with my boyfriend of eight months. I have post-traumatic stress disorder and lots of anxiety to accompany and he has severe depression. The emotional toll on me was too much since I got here because he was constantly telling me his suicidal feelings, etc like he has always done but I'm not in the US to console him. Both of us struggling emotionally is extremely challenging. And I kind of felt like I was responsible for his emotions, because he told me things like "you're my only true friend" and how I have saved his life (literally) multiple times. It's a really big burden. Besides the conflicting emotional needs the relationship was so loving. Filled with happiness, joy, laughter, and support when we both needed it most (pending that we were in an emotional state that allowed us to be supportive). He said some pretty cruel stuff and offensive stuff in the relationship and during this whole breakup process that made me unable to tell him how I felt at times. I can't help but still love him though. He's my first real love and relationship. I found a stuffed animal he gave me when I was feeling anxious one night and burst into tears tonight. I don't know if I should go back to him or not. To make matters worse, I met a new guy here in Aussie that I've got a crush on. We've done some intimate things together and have literally spent every day of the past two weeks together talking and getting to know each other and having fun. I really like him, and he really likes me. And he's a wonderful guy he really is. I feel like such an arse for hurting my boyfriend, and I don't want to hurt this new boy by going back to him if I decide to do so. And it seems like I'm going to be continuing my education in Australia for the next two years so I'd be away from my boyfriend. I just tried typing "ex" in front of boyfriend and it made me cry...that probably means something doesn't it. I guess I'm just looking for any sort of advice. I feel like I want to go back to him, but I love Australia and the atmosphere here (I can wear short shorts and not be attacked as a fag!) - but I really do love him I guess if I think about it. It's just difficult liking this new boy over here. Has anyone else had a problem like this? Even if you haven't I'd appreciate any relationship advice you might think that would help. My mind is a war zone so anything helps really. Thank you.
I cannot give helpful advice since I haven't experienced having or seeing this type of situation and I don't know which one has the stronger signal in your heart but i'll try. Try not to make 'a place' a factor of your feeling, go to where your heart belongs; life's too short to even care of what people might say.
Hi there and welcome to EC. The way you described your relationship with your ex boyfriend did not sound very enjoyable. He has a lot of work to do for himself - and you sounded more like a care giver and crutch than a boyfriend. It seems to me that you would benefit from getting to know other people and see what it is like to be in a more healthy relationship. Perhaps this new guy in Australia will be the one to help you experience that. You broke it off with your ex for good reasons - and the feelings of guilt and sadness are normal. They do not mean that you made the wrong decision - just that you are naturally sad about it. Anybody would be. Remember though that you are on a rebound and that it might be too soon to find yourself in a serious relationship. Just be cautious around that.
I can't say I have ever experienced this so all i can tell you is follow your heart. No one can make this decision but you so do what you think is right.
