I'm new to this whole 'posting online for strangers to read' thing, so I'm kind of scared but here goes. I'm sixteen, still in high school and identify as bisexual. I've told a handful of friends and a few (by few, I literally mean three) family members - no imediate relatives, just close cousins. The thing is though, I'm not really sure anymore and I haven't been for awhile. I don't really care about the label itself, I'm perfectly happy not to have one, it's just annoying not knowing what's happening inside my own brain :/ And I hate that. Generally I'm pretty sure of myself in most aspects of my life. Like I know what course I want to do at uni and I know what I want to do after that. I'd just really like my brain to sort things out. Ahaha :eusa_doh: Some days I wake up and it's a 'straight' day or a 'gay' day. Which ever it is, it generally lasts for a week or two. If it's a 'straight' week, I'll start to freak out that I made the wrong decision to tell people I'm bi, and those people are going to think that I'm your average confused teenager who either can't make up her mind or only said it because everyone says it - half the female population of my school think that they're bi :dry: I just really hate the idea that other people think of me in that way; like I don't have a mind of my own. If it's a 'gay' week though, I freak out more. For some reason I really don't want to be a lesbian. I don't have anything against them or anything like that, I have two lesbian aunts and I love them both. Ahaha :lol: To me it's just a very definitive label. I like to be able to change my mind without people judging me. I guess that's why I'm bi :icon_wink The thing is though, since I realised I also like girls (which was about a year and a half ago) I've always said that I could love anyone. Be that guys, girls, transgendered or transexuals etc. But until recently, I didn't know that there was a word for that, so I figured I was just bi. But I've started talking more and more to this friend, who told me he was pansexual. Pansexuality seems to make a lot more sense to me, but I'm kind of uncomfortable with indentifying as one. I mean, I've only just now gotten used being bi and finally stopped feeling so ashamed about it. And then this new thing comes along, and I really don't want to have to start all over again. Part of me (the irrational, crazy part) thinks I feel this way just because I kind of have a crush on the pansexual friend, therefore I'm just deluding myself so we have something in common (which is ridiculous because not only do we have almost everything else in common, my personality just isn't like that - but I am incredibly self-conscious, that's probably why I'm thinking that way). The other part thinks I'm just desperate because I'm an overweight, opinionated teenager who's never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend before (God, that makes me sound lame :icon_wink). I guess most people think of me as the latter anyway Which is really annoying. I'd just really like my brain to make up it's mind. And I want to know if this is normal. I really, really hope it is. Ahaha. Sorry this is so long, just had a lot on my mind :lol:
Thats fine you can post anytime and it doesnt matter how long they are. It can be confusing but I think if you talk to all the other bisexuals on this forum they will all confirm that their preferences swing from girls to boys and back again all the time. There are also some people who identify as pansexual on the forum so chatting to them may also help. I think you have to try and just ignore what other people think (I know its difficult). Keep your mind open to falling in love with guys and girls and see what happens.
Yes, preferences swings, to me it happens every other day. I know it's confusing, and I don't really have any answers either, but coming here and writing down about how you feel definitely helps.
This is how I feel too. (not helpful haha but yea). I'm speaking only from personal experience and this is no way good advice to you (since I'm not qualified to give it to you)- - I have swung on a daily basis - I have some pudge too huh - I haven't had a real/serious relationship (with someone I truly reciprocate with anyway) - I've come out to a few friends now (about 12-ish - some close, some not) - I just left confused teenager land (turned 20) but I still feel like one! - Have questioned whether bisexual is the right term for me I believe in the concept that there's your sexual identity (who you are), your sexual orientation (what you identify as), and your actions (what you do). Your identity can swing over time. You don't have to firmly be one label. Labels are lame anyway! I like sticking with bisexual just because I've come out that way (at least for now) and also because it gives me options. Options to figure out which way I swing. I just care that people know I'm non-straight. The rest is my business and my preference. That said, if you really feel confident about the pansexual label, go for it! I wouldn't worry too much about labels, though, and just let time pass and go with the flow.
Thanks so much everyone It helped a lot and I now I know I don't have to freak out as much. I'll definitely talk to more people on here. Now that I've done this, it doesn't seem so scary, ahaha.
"I like to be able to change my mind without people judging me." this is exactly why i haven't formally come out. i've known i like girls my whole life, but i worried that a)there was something wrong with me, and b)what if that changes? what if i'm wrong? so most of my friends think i'm gender-blind. i finally accept that there's nothing wrong with me and i am indeed homosexual, but i don't want to deal with anyone thinking i *became* gay. why does that bother me? i don't know. so my advice would be not to worry about what others think, but i still do the same thing so clearly it's easier to say than to do. and yes, for some reason talking about it with strangers totally helps!
I know what you mean about people thinking you've become gay. I'm pretty sure it's what most people think about me. See, most of the kids at school who are openly gay have been that way for a long while, but I don't *act* gay and I didn't fully come to terms with my sexuality until I was about 15. I really the thought the thought of other thinking that I'm just a confused teenager following another trend. Because I'm not. But yeah, I'll try to take your advice. I'm very self-conscious though, so it might be a little difficult... Thank you
Welcome to EC! You took a bold step by putting yourself out there, but I think that you will find the strangers on here are most welcoming. First, as far as labels go, there are also the terms polysexuality and queer that might appeal to you. Second, like others have said, hang out here, and share what you are thinking, read other posts, and you will come to recognize that you are not alone in having what you call "gay weeks" and "straight weeks". That in itself might help clear up some of the anxiety. Third, I noticed that you said you have no problems with lesbians, but you said you freak out more on your "gay days". One way to counter this is to write down all of your immediate thoughts about lesbians, good and bad, and then scrutinize them more closely to see if your unconscious assumptions are valid. It is also valuable to meet others in the gay community to change some of these assumptions. Don't be shy, everyone on here is really cool.
